My back is killing me

[MOmomof8]

My back is hurting worse than it ever has.  I have new medicine but it could take up to 30 to completely control the pain.  The first time I took it, it worked great but now just a few days later, it's not so great.  I have fibermyalia, if you know what that is.  I've been suffering from it for almost 20 years now.  My mom had it too.  But this is the worst it has ever been for me.  My mom had it even worse.  There were times she couldn't walk.  I'm walking but very slowly & for only short distances.  We both have tried all kinds of treatments.  We went to this one doctor & got about 200 shots in our backs, my wrists, face & jaws.  It helped but we were down for 3 days afterwards.  I stopped getting the shots because of my breast cancer.  I can't get shots on my right arm or right side of my back or front.  Back then I had alot of pain in my breast bone that I also got shots in it as well.  Since I was afraid of shots on that side I just stopped going for that treatment.  I just suffered through it for awhile.  Then my doctor put me through therapy which helped a little.  The doctor I have know gave me Lyrica which works really good but is very costly.  I have insurance but it still was costing me $45 a month, then it jumped up to $65 a month.  That's when I stopped taking it.  My insurance plan wrote me that they would not pay for it anymore & wanted me to get a generic from them for 90 days at just $5.  The problem is there is no generic yet.  So the doctor just changed my medicine.  My doctor isn't comfortable enough with my medicines to do the 90 day supply yet.  All my other meds are just $5 or under at Walmart.  I like that.  They will now do 90 day supplies if your doctor approves it.  I think the cost then just doubles instead of triples. 

Today I wanted to go shopping so bad after paying my bills.  I pay most of my bills in person or I send money orders.  I perfer to pay face to face & get a receipt but can't have it that way on all of them.   I'm going to try to go shopping tomorrow.  I want to get my granddaughter some clothes & a few clothes for my other grandchildren.  The 10th will be my granddaughters 8th birthday & this is the first birthday in 6 years that I have been allowed to send her anything.  I just wish I had the strength in my back to shop til I drop like before.  Shopping for little girls is one of my favorite things to do.  I enjoy shopping for boys too but I am more of a girly girl so I do little girls shopping best.  When my mom shopped for me, she would pick an outfit then buy me underclothes to match, with matching shoes & purse & finish off with jewelry.  I would like to do that for at least one outfit a year for all my granddaughters.  What would make it more fun would be to be able to take each girl out shopping with me, a girl's day out.  Do some shopping, do some lunch & finish at the beauty shop.  I think it would be fun to have out nails, toes, & hair done.  And mom of course could come if she wanted to. That would be my perfect world.  Of course, I would have to think up something equally fun for my grandsons.  I think the best part would be spending time with each grandchild one on one instead of grouped together all the time.  They tend to fight over my lap or fight over the toys or just fight.  These are my younest grandchildren ranging from almost 3 years to 7 months 2 boys & 2 girls.  Both girls are the oldest. while the boys are the youngest & closest in age.  My other grandchildren live in KS.  I don't see them enough.  I would love to take a week in the summer to spend a day with one grandchild a day, but that gets lumped into groups too.  The two oldest ones washed my van one time I was up there & so I took the shopping at Walmart for whatever they wanted within a certain amount.  The younger 2 was left out.  Nagi is way too active for me to have completely alone & Nita was just a baby or may not have been here yet.  I have children of my blood & children of adoption, which means some of my grandchildren are my blood & some or not.  It doesn't matter to me.  children are children no matter who's blood they have in them.  It's easier that with there parents.  The parents do this your nor my parent thing or my mom is so & so.  Bu after 4 years they are doing better about it.  We are very much a blended family.  My son married his daughter.  Yeah, I admit it is kinda wierd but they weren't raise as brother & sister,  They didn't even meet until we had been married 2 years.  My son is 30 years old now & she will be 22 in September.  So they are all grown up & can make their own decisions.  We've heard alot about how bad opinions about their getting married but when all is said & done, God is the only one that can truely judge them.  I don't see anything wrong with it myself.  We don't all pick who we will fall in love with.  It just happens  I think God joined all of us together for a reason that only he knows for now.  My kids may fight & my stop talking to me but in the long run, everyone knows that family members will stand up & help each other.  All of them have this attuditute that I can beat them up but no one else had better lay a figer on them. 

I'm the type of person who believes in give chance after chance.  I have a very hard time truning my back on a member of my family.  After my cancer, my family was walking on egeshells so that wouldn't say a word to upset me or even remind me of what I went through.   I thought that was horrible so I would crack jokes about what happened to me.  At first , their mouths dropped & they had no idea how to react.  I told them to lighthed up & smile.  Cindy wanted to skip so to go shopping with us, so I said to call in & tell them that her cousin with cancer was here & she wanted to spend the day with me.  Cindy said she couldn't.  But she finally did.  We had a wondreful time.  This happened right after my cancer fight.  I would have died within 6 months if I had not found my cancer & gone to the doctor.  For me it was reason to celebrate & who care who knows why.  I'll tell everyone that wants to know about my ordeal with cancer.  It helps me in my everyday life.  Keeps things in bettter proportion.  

I don't really know where all this came from but it's how I feel & what I've been through in my life.  May it will help you get you stuff in order too.  You should always be able to laught at yourself.  No one else will unless you laugh first.  You may have to be the one to break the sadness.  Laughter is the most wonder gift god has  given us so use it.