Wandering Mind

[Poetgal]

 Today is just one of those days I guess. I have been thinking about my son alot lately. Which it's not a bad thing. It's good to remember him and think about him. Plus it doesn't make me spend less time with my 2 girls. If anything it makes me give them more attention. I start thinking about Jr and how I wasn't there for him much when he was still alive and try to cuddle my girls more and try to sit with them more. I start thinking about if something were to happen to them I don't know if I would be able to handle it. I know there was nothing that I could do to prevent it or to change anything. But I have been looking at sites and stuff lately while thinking of him and wondering if I had known about some of this stuff before, or some of these sites at the time, would it have made any type of a difference or helped at all with anything. I guess my mind is just kind of at a loss the past couple of days. I have even been having some weird dreams. I can't really remember them, they are all sorts of fuzzy and stuff. I don't know, honestly I am not even sure what's going on in my head. All I know is that I have been thinking about Jr. alot lately. That and paranoid about my 2 girls. So every little cough or gag has me running lately. I am just so worried that something will happen to one of them. I am constantly checking on the baby at night constantly again. I almost feel like a brand new mom again in a way. Ya know when you have your very first and your so worried about SIDs and other things that you constantly check to be sure that they're still breathing. Well that is what I am doing lately. She sleeps so still that I am always checking to be sure I can feel her breathe, or see her chest moving. I am sure everything is fine and everything will be fine. My head is just all lost and out of it I guess.