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Waste not want not
- Aug 3, 2009 at 12:52 AM
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- Comments (9) Total Views (178) Everyone can see this journal post.
I wouldn't say I am an insomniac. I just don't sleep.
Do I stay up for hours upon hours watching the seconds tic by with worry? Do I replay conversations? Do I lie awake thinking of dreams and aspirations? To all of these, no.
I stay up and play on the computer while watching television. I do this to numb my brain.
This may sound strange to you but my mind goes on turbo speed. I can be thinking multiple thoughts at once. I may be thinking about the weather, my toe nails, and the book I am reading all at once.
Our brains are one of our most fascinating organs. It tells us to take a breath, heart to pump, digest food, make our limbs go, and talk all at the same time. If it can do all this why is that I think my brain process is so unique?
When my brain processes 3 thoughts at the same time it confuses me. Often times I get what Boston Legal calls "word salad". I will mean to say house but I might say blue. I know what I mean but it doesn't come out in the correct way.
Other times I can be chatting with someone and lose my way. I don't mean baby brain. I mean that my brain is so far ahead of my mouth that I lose the path of my words. The path has many rabbit trails and I follow one and forget how to get back to the main road.
I don't want to go to bed until my head is entirely fatigued or I will go insane thinking. I come up with ideas for inventions, businesses, books, screenplays, cures, and so on. Writing down my ideas doesn't get rid of them. The best plan is to block them from coming in the first place.
Last night I was up and hubby had the munchies. He ran to DQ to get a blizzard. In the time he left until the time he came back I had come up with an idea for an entire novel. I had not only the plot but the entire woven story in outline form. He was gone for about fifteen minutes.
I don't often let him see my do "its thing". I know it can be freaky. I let him see my outline and his jaw dropped. He said, "How did you come up with all that in the time I was gone?" I really don't know. The story just came to me.
Is this a post to prove my genius our pat myself on the back? No, because I am not. It is a post to help process my brain tonight.
I tried to go to bed at 10:45. I was super sleepy and thought I could handle it. Wrong!
I climbed into bed and started chatting with hubby. We were talking about something on my mind. It made me start to think about all of the above I have already written.
I told him that I am a waste. He seemed upset that I said such a horrible thing about myself. I assured him I wasn't getting depressive. I realized that as many good ideas I have I do nothing with them. I block them when I can.
God has given me a talent for cultivating ideas and plans. I don't ever do anything with them. They just sit in my head. I am wasting my talent. I know this yet I don't want to change.
That is my prattle for the evening. Maybe I can get some sleep.
x,
Rebecca
Comments:
Love this post! I feel the same way, and tons of guilt when I don't do anything with my ideas. Pick one and try working on it. It'll give your mind something concrete to focus on. And try Rescue Sleep spray, it works wonders when you can't stop thinking!
Word salad... I am going to have to remeber that one! I do that all the time and I hate it. What is worse is as soon as the word is out of my mouth I already know that it is the wrong word, but someone is staring at me like I lost my mind.
Lori, I actually use that ;) It works sometimes for me and others it does not.
I have nights like that. Well not the novel plot kind but nights when I think too much and am awake most of the night. I'll be running my to do list in my head and thinking about the laundry or the garden, was it watered? I try to talk to hubby but he just talks gibberish back. Then by the time I do fall asleep the alarm goes off.
I feel you. Sometimes I feel as though I could right a book so I jot down my thoughts. Those thoughts lead to more thoughts, and even more and by the time I stop and look at what I wrote I figure it would make NO Sense. I have no way of organizing my thoughts.
I've been known to combine words. I'll be thinking ahead and deciding which word to use and I end up saying a combination. Like, which and that will become thich.
I stumble over words for the very same reason, unable to shut off the thoughts about other things stumbling around in my head. Is this a Mom phenomenon? I don't know, that Slepp Rescue stuff sounds good, although sleep isn't my usual problem.
I am so glad you are at least able to talk about this with your hubby.
I know what you mean, too. If I could use backspace when I speak it would be a godsend!
Word salad. I love that. Is a good side dish, no? :)
Happy Bithday, Poopiebutt.
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I could have written every word of that. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I've always been so jealous of my husband who can lay down in bed and be out in 30 seconds flat. I, like you, can't even lay down until I know my brain is just so out of steam that I can close my eyes.
Better get working on your novel!
- aurorabunny
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