So I'm still feeling sick and blah. I don't want my boyfriend to even hold my hand. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm used to ups and downs and feeling crappy but this is strange. He thinks its because I'm trying to put up a front that I'm not scared about going to the dr to get my thyroid checked. Ok so I'm nervous I may have cancer. I'm not scared really. It's not that bad if I do. I'm nervous not really about being sick but about missing work. Who's going to pay the bills if I'm out for a while? Ok so I am a little scared. Car payment. Insurance. Dharma's health insurance. Money I owe my mom. Credit card payments. All stuff I usually have no problem paying and having a little left over for gar and a family outing but what if I miss a car payment or insurance payment? my bfs job sucks and hes lucky if he makes 100$ a week and he lost his license for a few months (don't ask. if you live here you know Manchester cops are considered monsters even by state troopers) and I just dont know what we're going to do. I just want to hide from myself. If the dr says there's nothing wrong that'l be even worse. Since february I've been going to my regular dr with increased bone pain, trouble breathing and swallowing, a weird lump in your throat feeling, ear aches, dizziness, loss of balance, and feeling like a burning sore throat with NO redness. The CT scan showed an 8mm hypodense lesion on my thyroid and my dr said I have to go to an ENT pronto because of the lump and my symptoms. So all the symptoms I have are symptoms of thyroid cancer but it could be other thing too. And I read into this AFTER months of no answers to these problems from my dr. The nurses didn't write everything down and now hes concerned at how sick I've gotten. So the symptoms aren't a result of my googling lol. I know that sometimes people can get an idea in their heads and actually bein experiencing symptoms or begin to look more into normal things as abnormal. But I've been going to the dr or complaining about this stuff for months. I dunno what the point of this is. I'm just rambly.

I've also been having mood swings like crazy. I'm manic depressive so like I said I'm used to ups and downs but this is an intensity I 'm not sure that I've ever experienced. And I've noticed it's when I feel sicker. UGGGHHHH!! I just picked up the phone to set an appt for a patient and my freakin vioce is raspy like I smoked for 30 years!! btw I don't smoke nor have I ever....I want to go back to bed.

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Comments:

Katel...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 9:05 AM

Hey Jess,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine how terrible it must be. I wish there was something to say or do that could help you. Of course, I know, there really isn't. I'm here if you ever want to talk or vent, or yell.. or whatever ya need! Please keep me posted if you feel up to it!

XoXogood luck

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