one size fits all is CRAP!

[autiemommy2]

I'm not big on confrontation. Never have been. I've tried to be as diplomatic as possible in every situation I face - whether it be with family, friends, or even strangers, but there comes a time when diplomacy is not the way to go and you just need to tell someone to shut up and mind their own business.

I don't tell other people how to parent thier children. Yes, I hate seeing a newborn out in just a onesie when it's cold, even chilly, while the parent smokes a cigarette, but I don't say anything b/c it's not my place. I don't infringe. Unless there is actual child abuse, I leave situations alone b/c people have different parenting styles and looks can be deceiving. I don't know the entire situation, so I might gripe about it to my DH, but that's all.

When it comes to parenting my children, I am doing a good job. And no, I don't like unsolicited advice. I usually say "thank you" or "I appreciate your concern", but lately I have gotten to the point when I tell people to butt out. Perception is reality, but not everything looks the way it is. It's not always as cut and dry as it seems at a glance.

Today, I took my DH to the doctor for a follow up (he didn't want to drive b/c he was in pain). While we were in the waiting room, I fed my children. It was mostly older people - old enough to be my grandparents (I'm 30). My kids were quiet and well-behaved. My oldest is 3 years old and has Autism. I fed him two jars of (stage3) baby food. The old lady sitting next to me commented, to her spouse, that my son was too old to be eating baby food. I ignored her b/c she didn't say it directly to me. Then I began feeding my youngest, who is 22 months old. He also got two jars of baby food, but one jar was a smaller jar (stage2). I spoke loud to him b/c he's half deaf and gets distracted easily. Again, she commented, to her spouse, that I should be feeding them table food. I, again, ignored her.

Then my oldest was looking through a book - signing the colors and animals, but having a really hard time pronouncing the actual words. I corrected him, but gave him praise at the same time. Finally, the old lady piped up. She told me that I was doing my children a disservice, I was holding them back from being smarter, and I that I shouldn't yell at my child. I was so pissed!

I told her that she had no idea about my life or my kids and that she needed to not say something about my situation b/c she knew nothing about it. I told her my oldest has Autism and he's non-verbal - what he can say comes out "wrong" b/c he has verbal dyspraxia, which is a problem with his brain not making the proper connections for speech. He is obviously intelligent. And that I feed him baby food b/c that is the only was I can get him to eat fruits and veggies that he needs and I don't give him crap loaded with sugar. He cannot handle dairy and wheat (gluten and casein) so he's on a very special, limited diet............... then I went in to my younger son... explaining that he had a milder form of Autism, but he is half deaf (he cannot hear out of his right ear) so I had to speak louder. And b/c he can't hear, it affects his ability to swallow so he can only be on baby food. Then I told her to mind her own business the next time she felt like commenting on situations she had no inkling about. She looked at me like I had shot her in the heart. I was not rattled.

My kids are not abused. They are not malnourished. I am doing what I have to do to keep them fed, healthy and maintaining weight. We work daily on getting both kids to eat table food, but it takes months, not minutes, to accomplish certain goals! I realize my kids look normal, but they do have problems... and I am doing what I have to do. In reality, it's easier for me to give them baby food out of a jar. It travels well, it keeps for months, there is no mess involved, and it's cheaper, healthier than fast food. I'm not holding them back! They are both smart... very smart! They both know tons of sign language and how to communicate effectively to tell me their needs. How is that a disservice?

Ugh. I just get so bothered by people that think they know everything b/c they had a child before me. So what?! That doesn't make you an expert on every child or even my child! Normally, I'm calm and ignore things, but I'm fed up with everyone feeling like they HAVE to comment and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how to correct the problem. No, the problem is ignorance! You have no idea how much I struggle and worry daily about my children's health and weight. Both are 50th percentile or lower for weight... both are chronically sick, but I cannot get a doctor to listen to me, no matter what I say or do.

I am a good mom. But I am overly tired of those people who try to tell me how to parent my two children.... two children that I have not been without for more than 2 days.... two children that I know inside and out... that I stay home with... that I take care of... that I have carried, birthed, and raised, cared for, and loved. Screw all of you that feel the need to butt in and give unwanted advice!

I'm no longer listening or being diplomatic when it comes to your two-line approach to parenting two very unique, special needs boys. I know my kids. I know what they need! I don't care if I have to spoon feed them for the rest of my life, I will do WHATEVER it takes to ensure they are healthy and happy! If you don't like it, don't look at me. But do NOT make snide comments and expect me not to respond! Don't get that hurt bunny look when I tell you to back off and shut up! I am parenting my children the way they need - whether you like it or not! And I don't care if you did it "that way" with your children. I am not your child. My children are not the same and this is not the same generation. Things are different so get used to different parenting styles that you may not like. It's not for you to decide what is right or wrong. I'm so sick of one-size-fits-all mentalities!!!!

There. Done.

[sanidem5]

Aug. 3, 2009 at 4:01 PM

Good for you! I can't stand it when people assume their way of parenting is the only way and flap their jaw about what you should be doing.

 

[maidn]

Aug. 4, 2009 at 2:46 AM Honey I am 45 with 6 kids and a degree in child psychology and people still tell me how to raise my kids there is always someone who thinks they know better it is a shame that as women in particular some feel the need to criticize and judge rather than love and support. Unfortuanatly that is just the way they are ... If it helps try to look at them not as the busy bodies they are and see them as the unevolved , obviously insecure people they also are.