Since I've had my second baby, who is now a little over five weeks old, I've discovered a new phenomena that happens in public, in addition to the same old crap that always bugged the shit out of me even when I only had one baby.

If you see me with my newborn and five year old, don't act like my five year old doesn't exist when you fawn over the new baby.  He may be a child, but he understands everything you're saying, he's already struggling with the addition of a new sibling, and it hurts his feelings to be completely ignored... especially when he's used to people totally fawning over his big blue eyes and long eyelashes.  Trust me, the first time we went out in public, he told me, nearly in tears, how much it hurt him, and once I got back into the driver's seat after buckling him in, it was me in tears, hurting for him.
It's not that hard to ask, "How old are they?" instead of "How old is she?"  After all, there ARE two children.  It's not that hard to say, "They're extremely cute!" instead of "She's extremely cute!"
Also, take the fucking hint if you ask, "How old is she?" and I say, "She is a month old, and HE is five."  I KNOW you didn't ask, douchebag.
You know the biggest thing any mom worries about when they go from one child to two?  Their older child's feelings.  So when I'm busting my ass every second of the day, and did my whole pregnancy, to MAKE SURE my older child didn't feel like he took the backseat or was being replaced, I sure as hell don't appreciate your oblivious ass pretending there's only ONE child in front of you.  Trust me, that older one hears you, and trust me, it hurts,

Okay, so now that I've got THAT off my chest, let's get back to the normal "new baby" issues.

Firstly, random lady in Wal*Mart, this is inappropriate:

Woman:  How old is your baby?
Me:  She's a little over a month, and he is five.  (Revert to previous ranting if you don't understand why I gave my son's age as well.)
Woman:  A MONTH?  And you're out already? 
*woman reaches out and literally smacks my upper arm*
Woman:  SHAME on you!  Where's your mother?
*pregnant pause where I start to get really angry, thinking this is a comment on my age*
Woman:  Your mama should spank you for taking such a little baby out!

This is wrong, rude, disturbing, and horrible.  I don't know WHAT the fuck you were smoking, lady, but how DARE you smack my arm, whether in jest or not.  You do NOT know me, I am NOT your friend, and yes, I DO still have a fucking personal bubble!  So that leads into the next bit...

When you see a pregnant woman, that doesn't mean her stomach is communal property.  You can NOT touch it.  No, it is NOT rude for her to bite your hand off, stab it with a pen, touch your stomach, slap your hand, yell at you, or otherwise get you out of the common courtesy personal bubble space if you're idiotic enough to try to touch a stranger's midsection, occupied with a fetus or not.  Secondly, when I'm wearing my baby in a sling or have them in a stroller, whichever it may be, apply everything that is acceptable above to this situation as well if you try to touch my baby.

No, woman in Wal*Mart (different lady...), it is NOT okay if you pat my baby's butt through the sling.  I don't care if you asked permission AS you started to do it.  I don't know why you looked so damned shocked when I stepped back.  Hands off me, and off my damned kid!

And while we're at it, YES, when I'm sitting on the bench in the old-Layaway-now-Site To Store area, with a nursing cover over me, I AM nursing a baby "under there", and yes, it DOES weird me out when you make a move to stand on your tiptoes and crane your head to look through the little propped-open collar bit on my cover.  It's on for a reason!  I am too modest for my baby or my own good and will make us both uncomfortable, sweaty and hot to not have people be able to see my breast, so please don't TRY!

Oh, and one more thing... if it "Looks like I've got my hands full," either help, or shut the fuck up.

Have a nice day! :)

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 3:28 AM

O_o well that woman was rude...

and your rant is funny. a good rant to use on the person but funny

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 4:17 AM

Oh, Christie.  I'm surprised you didn't slap her right back and say "Because I'm breastfeeding her and her immune system is my concern, not yours!  Bitch."

Or, "Should my momma spank me for buying groceries so that the five-year-old you just ignored doesn't starve to death while I'm home nursing the baby who YOU think is too little to leave the house?"

Unsolicited parenting advice is one thing, even if it comes from a friend...but from total strangers it's just obnoxious.

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 6:12 AM

Oh, and one more thing... if it "Looks like I've got my hands full," either help, or shut the fuck up.

This is my favorite... I think it often!!  It is nice when people hold the door open for the stroller, but there is always a jerk who lets it close in my face!

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:03 AM

Oh no!  I would have smacked that woman!  Or better, called the cops & had her arrested for assault.  That might teach her to keep her hands off of people.

I have never understood why people feel the need to ignore one child in favor of the other. If anything, the older child needs to hear compliments more.

Your kiddos are total cuties btw!

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:14 AM

Oh, and one more thing... if it "Looks like I've got my hands full," either help, or shut the fuck up.


I completely agree with this one.  I swear, if one more person says that to me, I'm gonna let loose.

Great post!

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:17 AM

People are stupid, insensitive jerks.  I hate them.  

But I lurrrrrrrrves yooooooou.

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:24 AM

Wow.  That woman is insane!

I hate when people touch Molly.  They do it all the time because she is an extremely social baby and smiles at EVERYONE.  They assume that means she wants to play with them.  She is ONE, she does not get to make those decisions yet!

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:25 AM

Great Post!  I love the bite your hand, stab it with a pen comment...I felt like doing that all the time.  And poor Rowan...Gabe went through the same thing when Amelia was born. Thankfully he was only about 2 and doesn't remember, but at the time he would cry because people wouldn't look at him, only Amelia.  Nowadays, because Gabe is blond and blue-eyed and Amelia has dark hair and dark eyes, I get people asking me if they have different fathers or if one is adopted!  Good Luck and both children are adorable

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 9:11 AM

Rana, I love you!

I **always** make a comment about the baby AND the big brother (I guess that comes with experience)!

I LOVE the "Wow! You have your hands full!" comment.  No KIDDING!!!  My response?  "Better full than empty!"  (please use cautiously...!)

As far as the nursing comment...This is why I'm SO past nursing covers (although, you can't see anything while I'm NIP anyway!

Thanks for this ranting...I needed it.

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Aug. 4, 2009 at 9:32 AM

I have totally noticed all the things you are saying, but especially about people acting like my oldest doesn't even exist when they see my baby. Luckily for me I have two girl so when someone says "How old is she" I simply ask which of my daughters they are referring to. Or I offer up... she (Kaitlyn) is five months, she (Morgan) is two.

Why are people so stupid?

I've also had people make comments on how young my kids are when I take them out. And I had one crazy lady make a big HUGE deal about me driving when I was in my 9th month of pregnancy. She literally asked me, "Don't you know better?" WTF??? Sorry, my personal driver had the day off!! Ugh!

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