Kim's Journals

A little of this and a tad of that.

 This is more of a question than a journal post, really, but I don't frequent the Answers section that often, so I decided to pose this question in journal form.

What do your husbands think about Cafemom?  Do you tell them about all the conversations you have on this site?  Do they understand the bonds you may have formed with people you have never met, and possibly never will meet?  Does your husband think you are hiding things from him because you spend time on Cafemom?

I know that is a lot of questions, but it never really occurred to me that some husbands might be a bit miffed that their wives spend time on this website until I read about a situation in one of my groups.  My husband really couldn't care less.  He doesn't really understand the appeal, but then again, he is a man and not as relationship oriented as I am, so that makes sense to me.  He has never gotten suspicious or questioned me about hiding anything though.

Oh, wait.  I thought of one more question.  What if you become really close friends with your Cafemom friends and decided to exchange phone numbers and addresses, does that upset your husband?

I really am interested in getting a lot of responses on this to see what the general reaction of husbands to their wives making cyber-friends on Cafemom.

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Comments:

Rachael
Aug. 4, 2009 at 4:47 PM

well my husband worries that I get on here and gripe about him all the time, lol.  But in general I don't.  I have actually met a couple people in person from Cafemom and my husband didn't care at all. 

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parri...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 4:54 PM

First off, my husband thinks I'm an addict. But to be honest he spends more time on ebay and YouTube than I do so we just have different "fixes".

I always tell him stories and conversations I've had and he thinks most women on here are wacky (in a good way) but I'm sure he's glad that I have connections and someone to vent to. He likes when we talk about sex. He's made comments when I get letters or cards and when I've sent care packages to moms in need. He probably wishes he had a man site and more friends himself...

He would not have a problem if I gave out my personal info and I would only with ones I trusted. He trusts me right back.

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RanaA...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 5:01 PM

That's a lot of questions.

 

What do your husbands think about Cafemom?  He thinks it's silly, and that I spend a lot of time on here.  He thinks it's silly when I bitch about stupidity online, and rather than getting off the computer, I just go to a different part of the same website to complain. :)
Do you tell them about all the conversations you have on this site?  Yep, often.  To the point where sometimes he makes fun of me for not having "a real life."  He knows a lot of my CM friends by name, and a couple groups by name as well.
Do they understand the bonds you may have formed with people you have never met, and possibly never will meet?  He gets that I'm really close to some of them, and care about them, and they care about us.  I don't know if he can REALLY understand, but he realizes I do consider my online friends to be REAL friends.
Does your husband think you are hiding things from him because you spend time on Cafemom?  No way.  I leave the website up all the time (in fact, I get mad if he closes it), and I'm always logged in.  I also don't make moves to close or change windows when he comes over to me, so what's not to trust?  It's obvious I'm NOT hiding anything.
What if you become really close friends with your Cafemom friends and decided to exchange phone numbers and addresses, does that upset your husband?  As long as they're shipping US stuff, he doesn't care at all! :)  No, okay, I'm kidding.  No, it doesn't bother him, though.  Sometimes someone will call our house or my cell, send picture or text messages, and he'll ask who they are if he picks up my phone before I do (or looks at the message as he's handing it to me), but I just say, "Oh, that's Erika.  She's the crazy one who painted on her wall about the kitten."  There's no concern about anything, really.  He gets that the more I have conversations and interactions with other WOMEN, the less HE has to hear my ranting, haha.  I've met up with women I've met on here before too, and his only stipulation is that of course, I follow the basic safety protocol of telling him where I'm going (which is always a public place, usually a restaurant), taking my cellphone, etc.  That's it.  I'm a BIG girl.

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RanaA...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 5:04 PM

Oh, and he plays an online game called EVE.  If I'm expected to remember "Jack, the guy who took over his guild and accounts when he was deployed" from three years ago, he DAMN well better not have issues with my groups, friends, or me giving out our phone number AND expecting him to remember who at least SOME of my CM friends are by name. ;)

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Erika...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 5:07 PM

LOL!   I remember that, Christie.

Yeah, my husband gets a kick out of so many of the messages and posts we have on here.  The conversations I have with my friends on here are always a topic for us.  He digs it, but he wishes I'd be off the computer more...doing WHAT, I don't know.  

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ivans...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 5:30 PM

What do your husbands think about Cafemom? He thinks it's cool that the website is here and has asked me if there is something similar for dads.   Do you tell them about all the conversations you have on this site? Yup.  Sometimes he laughs, sometimes he rolls his eyes.  Sometime he just doesn't know WHAT to say or do.  C'mon.  Have you SEEN the peeps I roll wit, yo? Do they understand the bonds you may have formed with people you have never met, and possibly never will meet? Yes and no.  He tries to understand because he sees how genuinly concerned we get about each other.  He says that doesn't exist with men. Does your husband think you are hiding things from him because you spend time on Cafemom?  No...well, I have made the mistake of clicking out right when he enters the room.  Not because I'm hiding anything but because I feel that when he's home, I want to devote more time to him.  Sometimes, he's walked in right when I was going to click out anyway but it still looks a little odd.  I never log off, though, and my computer has no password.  He's not the snooping type, anyway, and the computer is in the kitchen.  I have had him read stuff that I thought was funny and have asked him for his perspective on stuff.  What if you become really close friends with your Cafemom friends and decided to exchange phone numbers and addresses, does that upset your husband?  Absolutely not.  The first time I told him I had given my address to a group of ladies here, he asked me if it was safe.  Once he realized it was all good: he never worried.  I recently had the honor of meeting two of my CM friends and look forward to meeting more. 

He asks me about my friends.  Or, if he does something funny or goofy: he'll call me and say 'hey, I have a good story for the (insert group name here)' 


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Memaw...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 6:43 PM

My husband know I have no life so he doesn't care what I do.  He'll ask me from time to time if I've talked with my "ladies."  LOL  I read him a lot of stuff, especially stupid stuff. He gets a good laugh out of it and just shakes his head.

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Mythi...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 6:54 PM

Well considering that he thinks all I do is sit around looking at porn all day on here (he saw the post with Joye's boobs when he walked by and pretty much assumed..), I don't think he really gives a rat's behind unless what I am doing is hindering sex, dinner, or will make him laugh. LOL.  Did I ever mention that it is extremely difficult to get the man to laugh?

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older
Aug. 4, 2009 at 6:54 PM

MINE DOESN'T CARE THAT UCH I GET ON WHEN HE IS NOT HERE, SO HE WON'T FEEL NEGLECTED.  I DO TELL HIM ABOUT WHAT GOES ON AND WHAT I  DO HERE, AND HE USUALLY THINKS IT IS SILLY TOO, DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF FRIENDS THAT  YOU HAVE NEVER MET.

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auror...
Aug. 4, 2009 at 8:22 PM

My husband loves that I have CM as an outlet.  If we are trying to deal with a kiddo related problem he even sometimes will say "Well get on CM and ask one of your friends about it and see if they have any suggestions."  He doesn't care if I exchange phone numbers and stuff with people either. 

Although after that one day of texting he thinks my friends are pretty messed up, LOL.

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