Not everyone has your ovaries

[Momma_Halo]

I have spent most of my time coming to the conclusion that my body doesn't want to offer anymore children. My husband has helped me to channel all of this into something productive so I have been in college for almost two years now.

I also made a huge career plan and have been actively been the best mother I could possibly be to my son Tomas. Zoo trips, museum trips, spending time with him at the park, and even sitting in an old comic store reading up on the newest edition of Superman.

Well ok I was reading Wolverine and letting Daddy read Superman but he enjoyed it. And I have been making the best I possibly could make out of the gift I was given.

My cousin on the other hand has the ability to have more children and the privilege to take birth control just so she doesn't have to have more. When I take birth control it is to control my acne. So this cousin gets on the computer and starts chatting away with me.

Well this particular cousin doesn't really see how good she has it with her boys and her ability to reproduce. So for some odd reason when I talk to her about college she gets on why I am not having more kids.

Then she will go off on me for not trying harder to have children and it will just take some time. I mean after four years I think I can successfully wave the white flag.

But it still hurts to hear people tell you how much of a failure you are when you can't pop out another child.

It has taken me a good four years to figure out that "Hey I can't have more children so I am going to do the best dang job I possibly can with the one I have". So I went back to college and continue to go back to college so I can get a really good paying job so that I can put my son in the best school, do nice things with my home, be able to have money to take him places, and even pay for clothes and things.

Why must people be so cruel to those who have less than them? Why must they be snobs about it? It is like the whole culture between people with money and people without. People with money sneer and look down on people without. But the way I see it is the people without at least appreciate what they have.

[ironkitten]

Aug. 8, 2009 at 3:17 PM

Relax.  You never know what may come in your future.  There IS a plan.

Peace and Love

(never give up before the miracle!)

[Momma_Halo]

Aug. 8, 2009 at 4:40 PM

The thing is I don't want another miracle. It will be stress stress and more stress because of how hard it was for me to get pregnant and then the pregnancy was just too much. I made a decision and I don't want more.

I just want people to leave me alone about it. If God wanted me to have more kids he would have let me get pregnant immediately. But there is a plan for me and it doesn't involve more pregnancies. I don't want to even think about TTC anymore.

That is great for those who are doing it but for me personally I am done. And that is what I am trying to get across to her and people who won't leave me alone.

(Original Poster)

[Darlinree]

Aug. 8, 2009 at 5:39 PM

You said that so beautifully.  Ya know, I want a huge family and never can understand why others don't..so I ask.  Which I just realized is kinda rude which of course I never ment to be rude.  Thanks for writing that post.  You just opened my eyes to how wrong I was.

[Momma_Halo]

Aug. 8, 2009 at 6:16 PM

I just reread what I wrote and after some editing. I was hoping I didn't offend anyone. I wrote this while I was hurting.

But yeah when people bring it up it feels like they are picking at a scab you are trying to let heal. And I still cry about it and I still get upset over how my plans have been shot down. But then I try to make new plans.

And since I have been back at college it has kept my mind off it and helped me to grow from it. I also came up with other plans on how to make my family grow.

My husband and I are looking into many different options.

(Original Poster)

[babymomma0306]

Aug. 10, 2009 at 8:29 AM

I always wanted 4 kids and I have two. Both of them especailly #2 are lucky to be alive and myself for that matter. Although I can get pregnant I chose not to because the baby will die or we both would according to the OBGYN, it sucks and hurts but I have to be thankful for my two miracles I have.