Strong willed child

[luvr4ula]

So needless to say, things have yet to get any better around here with Chris and his temper/attitude. I keep thinking it's normal 3 year old behavior but he's been like this since a little after he turned 1! So I've been reading (and my mom as well) about strong willed children and Chris is the exact description of one!

Here's the 'signs' of a SWC (strong willed child)....

The Strong-Willed Child (SWC)…

 ___ almost never accepts words like "impossible" or phrases like "it can’t be done."

___ can move with lightning speed from being a warm, loving presence to being a cold, immovable force.

___ may argue the point into the ground, sometimes just to see how far into the ground the point will go.

___ when bored has been known to create a crisis than have a day go by without incident.

___ considers rules to be more like guidelines (i.e. As long as I’m abiding by the "spirit of the law", why are you being so picky?)

___ shows great creativity and resourcefulness—seems to always find a way to accomplish a goal

___ doesn’t do things simply because "you’re supposed to" --it has to matter personally.

___ refuses to obey unconditionally—always seems to have a few terms of negotiation before complying.

___ is not afraid to try the unknown--to conquer the unfamiliar (although each SWC chooses his or her own risks, they all seem to possess the confidence to try new things).

___ can take what was meant to be the simplest request and interpret it as an offensive ultimatum.

___ may not actually apologize, but almost always makes things right.

(courtesy of http://www.applest.com/teachers.htm)

I feel like I have lost hope with Chris and it's been so hard on me the past couple months. I've literally tried everythign I can think of to rein this child in and it only gets worse. I just don't know what to do anymore.  At least knowing that this is his personality helps a little. He got it from his daddy, Leonel is the exact same way. And I also read another article explaining what they are like as adults if not raised properly and it is EXACTLY Leonel!!! Soooo weird!!  Without the correct discipline, it also said Chris is at risk for becoming abusive, more and more defiant, and violent. That is so scary. He needs his daddy!

I love James Dobson, mostly because he's Christian, and he has a book I just found called the Strong Willed Child Workbook....I really wanna get that and see if it will help!

I'm not exaggerating when I say that Chris has 15-20 major tantrums a day. There is not a single day that we have no tantrums. There is not a single 'good' day anymore. He flips out about the littlest things. It could just be that he can't play with one certain toy that he wants or that he can't have candy for breakfast and it will turn into a 30 minute- 1 hr fit. Yesterday as he was throwing a screaming fit in his room, I shut the door and was standing outside trying to breathe and realized how 'normal' it has become for him to be that way. I was kinda laughing to myself wondering what it must be like to have a child who actually listens. Now I know that all kids throw fits but not with the same intensity and frequency that Chris does. Friends of mine (if you wanna call them friends) who think Chris is 'bad' (trust me, I've heard it) have no IDEA what I go through on a daily basis. It is so much harder than they think.

And the reason I know he was born this way is because it started SOOO young. The earliest time I remember that it started (honestly, I think it started even earlier than I remember but I just thought it was a phase), was when he was 15 months and he would throw such intense fits over something stupid that he would almost hyperventilate. He would kick, scream and his eyes would be filled with this insane look...it was so scary. One time he screamed for 2 straight hours and I seriously thought something was wrong with him. I contemplated calling Leonel home from work but I waited and hwen he got home, when it had hit the 2 hr mark, I called the dr and made an appt for a couple hours from then. He finally ended up stopping and I cancelled the appt because nothing was wrong. Just eery to see him lose control how he does.

Well thanks for listening to me ramble.....I'm gonna buy this book hopefully soon and I'll update later. :)

[maidn]

Aug. 11, 2009 at 8:58 AM Hang in there Honey , my strong willed child is 18, and they are born that way, of my 6 children she was and is the one, These children also have great potential though, They literally just never back down, the trick is pick your fights and try to steer that determination into constructive activities. Keeping them busy works well especially in positive activities, this will apply more when they get older with sports school activities and the like but even at 3 we kept Cedes very occupied her natural drive made her a natural learner, she learned to read at 2 and keeping her active physically. Physical activities that teach self discipline are good , tae quan do was very good for her. I've noticed that a good trick is to make them believe it is a good idea, think reverse psychology ... big time. Good luck hon , As parents the trick is always to meet your child at their level, a stong willed child is the same just on a different level , especially if you aren't quite made up that way. But try to focus on their assets. These are the can do people and if pointed in the right direction nothing is going to stand in their way. These are the children who will shape the world around them. They are the leaders. Stay away from out and out power struggles though it is a waiste of time with them. 3 is a hard time with these kids but even with they grow out of it a bit. Take heart this too will pass.