whats a daddy's girl, without a daddy?

[dkrmlr]

The world keeps spinning round and round.
My insides seem to just stay upside down.
Food has no appeal.
I've had my feel of life's general, run of the mill.
I watched my dad pass,
in a place lacking holy grace.
Already dead with in,
no brain waves rolling,
not a sign of life showing.
His hand turns white
as my finger wrap tight.
Hoping and praying for any glimpse
of life within.
My grip is form but still there's no return.
The machines begin to quiet
his eyes flutter open,
and into mine he looks.
As his body goes limp,
and his hand becomes heavy.
My head shakes no,
over and over.
I wait and wait for him to just wake,
but through my tears
i fear
my daddy's now lost to me.


The has to have been over all the worst year of my life so far, and I can definitely say I've had some terrible ones.  We've found out my fil has cancer, lost a baby, and had a ton of the little things go wrong that just lead to huge problems. Now to add on I've lost my father, I'm only 21 years old I'm to young to be a fatherless child. I know that sounds so stupid, I know that deaths cares not what a age a person is. It just takes as it pleases. I just never thought it would be my father, no so early in life. I never thought I'd lose my father before my mother lost hers, and my gram-pa is a very sick man. My family didn't tell me he was sick until the day he was released from the hospital, said to be well and fine. I wake the next morning in a great mood, we were going to take family pictures. When my phone rang, It was my Grammy, she said she had bad news. On the way home my dad got confused, it wasn't sure where he was or what was going on. He started complaining of a bad head ache, so they took him back and within hours there was nothing left. They did a scan and found he had, had a massive brain stroke and now was brains dead.  I got of the phone with her and began to wonder what i was going to do, how was i going to get to him. After hours i pulled together the money and we headed on the road. My mother, dh and dd all came with me, we drove from tallahassee straight to little rock Arkansas. My poor dd became car sick along the way, this being her first long road trip and one with only little time to stop.
With left at 9:00pm thursday and arrived 10:am Fridays. I hadn't eating or slept in well over 30 hours, i couldn't sleep on the trip, the stress was just to much. I arrive to find, i'll have to decide if my dad should live or die. This is until a doctor appears and says that there it doesn''t matter we have no choice. Brains dead is dead and we just have to say good bye. I couldnn''t enter the room for the longest time, and it took forever to even speak to him, to say my good byes. I can't believe he's gone, my dd never even got to know him and he didn't get to know here. He had only seen her once and only had a picture of her as a baby. At this point i'm just past out of it, my minds not working right, the morning i found out, i forgot to feed my dd, until my mother mentioned that she seemed to be drinking alot, and asked if i had feed her.  By then it was well past noon, i felt terrible. I had just got her ready to go and was on the way to grab her food when the phone rang that morning after that my mind was gone. I still can't think straight at this point I just don't know what to do.  A women in age yeah but i was still a daddy's girl, deep down and now I'm just .........a girl.

[talitha_b]

Aug. 11, 2009 at 9:54 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.  My condolences to you and your family.

[dkrmlr]

Aug. 12, 2009 at 9:09 AM

Thank you

(Original Poster)