excited and yet scared at the same time

[sahmommy2]

so i went to my midwife appt yesterday. we went over my us info together and she said everything is right on track and doing well in my pregnancy and all. she talked to the dr she works with at the one hospital and they feel its better for me to deliver at the hospital since i've had two previous csections. I know that with my midwife, i wont have to worry about the drs trying to restrict me and make demands on me and i should be greatful that someone is willing to allow me to experience a regular vaginal birth like i want but i guess i just feel apprehensive about delivering in a hospital. I don't know if its past fears or whatnot. when me and my midwife were talking about my medical records and my past csections, she told me on the chart, it says i was 41wks3days with my youngest. i just dont understand why nothing happened with him? she feels maybe they had my dd wrong and feels this is still a good go but now i am wondering if: my body will actually do what its suppose to do,why my body failed me with my youngest,can i really actually do this, or will i just set my self up for failure and after all end up with another csection?my midwife assures me that we are aimimg for around dec.12-14 for this little one instead of by my origional edd of nov 29(she takes when you have quickening/baby kicks you can feel and figures out the dd by that and it has never steered her wrong),and that she will do everything possible to get me to my goal(the only way shell allow the attending dr she works with to give me a csection is if we have tried everything else and nothing works or their is concern for me n baby by her standards n not the drs). shes even willing to let me go past 2 wks past my edd as long as me n baby r doing good to allow me this. i just feel so stressed,confused and dont know if i should continue down this path or give up while i am ahead or what?

[itisstarry]

Aug. 12, 2009 at 11:51 PM

please please don't give up. Remember, no one "allows" you to do anything but yourself. If I were you I would honestly start looking for a midwife that will attend you in a homebirth. It sounds like you have more of a "medwife" at the moment.  If you go to the hospital, no matter what they tell you now, I can guarantee it is going to be a heck of a lot harder to vbac. Call every homebirth midwife in your area you can find. One of them will help you, even if it is under the table, as in my birth. I have faith in you! you can do this...don't let them convince you otherwise.