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First negative reaction regarding our birth choice
- Aug 12, 2009 at 4:46 PM
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- Comments (15) Total Views (328) Everyone can see this journal post.
I received my first negative reaction over the weekend. I attended my best friend's (who passed away last Mothers Day) son's birthday over the weekend and talked about my birth plans with her mother. I was sure that she would support our decision to birth at home; after all she is the most natural mom that I know. Once I broke the news her face dropped and she looked gravely worried. She went on how if anything happens to the baby during delivery there simply will not be enough time to get to the hospital. She also went on how the maternal death rate was 70% before modern medicine (I could not confirm this, and don't find it to be a relevant comparison anyway).
I tried to assure her that I have done my research and am continuing to do so. She admitted that she has had friends who have birthed at home and that their experiences were nothing but wonderful. She then went on about how a natural birth is still possible in the hospital. When I tried to explain how difficult that was for me the first time around we were interrupted.
I am still a bit caught off guard by her reaction. I highly respect this woman and I want her to understand that this is not some off the wall decision. I wish there was a way to infuse all the information I have been absorbing the past 7 weeks into her brain.
Her reaction has me nervous to mention it to anyone else. I can only imagine how immediate family members will react. I am not sure I have the patience at this point to fully explain the "whys" to people who are not knowledgeable about the subject. I still consider myself fortunate though. My husband is on board with the idea, and my sister is absolutely stoked. After watching a birthing film Saturday night, my sister texted me that she has 100% faith in me and knows that this is the right decision. I guess that is all that matters. Everyone else can either do some research or keep their mouths shut.
Comments:
I'm sure that whoever doesn't appear to be totally on board with this decision probably hasn't ever really looked into it. You hear about the horror stories more than anything (although that IS changing with the advent of social networks like this one) and I think that people worry because it's been so ingrained in us that "modern" societies do the "decent" thing and have their babies in hospitals with doctors and nurses and the latest technology at their fingertips should "something" go wrong (holy run-on sentence, Batman!).
Anyway, I admit that I am one of those that used to think to self "WHY would anyone CHOOSE that?!" with a mixture of horror and disbelief upon hearing that a woman decided on a home birth. And THAT stemmed completely from lack of information on the subject. That and the birth of my brother, which, had my mother not been in a hospital, they both would have been in serious, serious trouble (another story for another time).
Bottom line- don't worry about convincing people to see your side overmuch. Let the successful home birth of your baby speak for itself :)
A friend of mine who lived far away had one and shared her whole experience on a flicker photo site. Nothing about it looked scary. She was relaxed and had the baby in one of those kiddie pools with her whole family as witnesses. It was a beautiful experience for her. The baby was born somewhat in nature (the lived in a house overlooking the ocean) and the mid wife and doctors were all equipped to handle any emergency.
Relaxation is the key.
You are right Jenna, there are definitely cases where birthing in the hospital is necessary. Heck, it is still early and I have a long way to go before I even know if this is a firm possibility.
What gets me is how people can compare birthing at home to childbirth 100's of years ago. Conditions are way better today; we have medicine available that we didn't back then as well as the technology if needed. If people only looked into it and the statistics they would see that it is just as safe, if not safer than hospital births. Part of the reason is that the screening process for assisted home births is very meticulous.
Honestly sweetie, you dont HAVE to tell anyone if you dont want to, save it until AFTER she (or he) is born, then the negative comments turn into amazement, and thats just awesome. Its really NONE of anyones business, YOUVE done your research, chances are, if they are THAT quick to negatively respond, they havent done theirs!
I can totally understand your discomfort in sharing your plans with others. In this case though, it seems as if the person is just worried for you and baby. To me, there is a difference between those who judge the decision with the mentality that you must be out of your mind or not care for the safety of your child and those who simply worry about the risks involved. It is most definatly ingrained in us that we should be in the hospital whenever our body is doing something out of the "norm", therefore there is a fear of anything of that nature that takes place outside of the hospital.
Best of luck with your homebirth!
She was definitely more worried than anything. I haven't really gotten the "you're irresponsible" reaction yet. Most people are simply surprised and ask lots of questions. In this case she didn't.
We will most likely only tell a select few until after the fact. I feel though that we have an obligation to at least tell my husband's parents.
Do what you feel is best for you and your baby.
You can also remind people that the reason women used to die during childbirth was due to multiple factors including- dirty handed doctors/birth attendants; closely spaced births-repeatedly; malnutrition for mother during repeated pregnancies and breaastfeeding all while doing all that her day entailed back then.
Congrats for getting hubby onboard!! [regarding homebirth I mean!!] LOL He is the most/only importantest lol person!! After our second hospital birth my hubby turned to me and said if we ever have another you can do it at home!!
Hospitals are bad places to have babies!!! It is a business for them. Plain and simple. Birth need'nt be so medicalized...
I never mentioned to my In-Laws that I was having a home birth and they still think that DS was a hospital birth. You don't have to defend your decision to anyone as long as YOU have fully researched it and know that its the best decision for your family.
Congrats on you impending arrival and I wish you a happy, safe and speedy birth!
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