Being a bitch

[Lazarat]

Okay, so I am a bitch...but I can't help. I have gotten to like that part of me. I use that part of me to get me through...I cannot stand..I can't help being a bitch is something that I haven't gotten really comfortable with. It's become some thing I have used to protect myself...to raise myself up...I don't know how to make it softer...or abate from it..I don't know if I would want to...It's been so long for me, I don't know if I would know how to be any other way...I am at odds as to what to do because sometimes I think that I should ease up..but at the same time, I feel like I can't...because if I do, I would lose some part of me that I haven't gotten to really like about myself..maybe I am just stubborn that way...Maybe most of what I know comes from being this way..Maybe most of what I am is about being a bitch...I feel that sometimes, it's wrong..but sometimes I feel like it's the only I know how to be....I think it gets me through another bullshit day..another crappy something or other..I feel bad about it but at the same time, I don't know if I would like it any other way...