VENT: Visits with my parents are difficult

[Rayshawn]

I am greatly looking forward to driving back home today. 

It has been three days of grumpiness, insults, interfering, and spoiling my almost 3 year-old daughter.

My mother is so bitter as a result of not properly managing her diabetes.  I know that she is uncomfortable in her own skin...yet she refuses to do anything that would keep her healthier and safer.  She fell down at church a couple of weeks ago.  She called and complained about falling.."I don't know what happened," she said.  I asked her if she was wearing the orthopedic shoes I got her (4 pairs - not cheap!  She wears 4E, so we had to special order them!)...  She was not, but swears that the shoes she was wearing were comfortable.  I do not have bunions, nor do I wear a size 4E.  My feet are somewhat wide, and I tried her shoes on...they were too tight for me.  So she is in grave denial, refuses to use a cane...even the stylish ones she has at home.  Her orthopedic shoes are really fashion foward and do not look like orthopedic shoes at all.  It took a lot of effort to hunt them down.  I don't mind that she is picky.  I understand that she wants to look cute...but then she doesn't wear them?

Last night she declared that everyone was "on their own" for dinner.  Okay, no problem...when my daughter and I are at home I make all the meals...so this is no big deal.  What is a big deal is how angry she sounded when she said it...I have tried to avoid her because I suspect she likes my baby's company but not mine, I keep my presence limited to changing my daughter's diaper, feeding her, and providing discipline as necessary.  I become a babysitter, so they can enjoy my daughter without having to do any work.  There is no way to "win" here.  If I am in her presence, she is annoyed.  If I am somewhere else, she is annoyed.  UGH....

My father complains about how I wash the dishes.  He says I don't dry them properly and get the drying rack wet.  Isn't that what the dryng rack is for?  To let wet dishes dry on them?  So I don't do dishes anymore.  I tried doing them once before...drying them immediately with a towel after washing each dish so the area would be dry enough for him.  But that is washing dishes the crazy way...I have since stopped.

My mother also tells me to slow down when I am here...that I clean too much...then she gets grumpy when my daughter makes a mess...I know she likes it better when things are picked up...I think she is so bitter and jealous that I can get an area clean quickly and efficiently, without fanfare.  15 minutes is all it takes, Flylady has taught me... 

When my mother cleans, which is almost NEVER, she sighs and makes this big, huge deal out of it.  When she's done she acts all exhausted, she puts her feet up, makes my father give her a massage...DRAMA!!!  This is something she has been doing for YEARS, even when I was in elementary school.  I grew up thinking that having to clean your house was the worst thing in the world, and I had hoped to be rich someday so I could pay someone else to do it.  Thank goodness I have a best friend whose mother is a domestic worker.  They taught me how to clean and have fun doing it!  We can make beds look like the ones in hotels!  :)  We don't do it every day, but it's nice to know how.  FlyLady has been the cherry on an already pleasant ice cream sundae of cleaning...LOL....

Deep in my heart I love my parents, and I know they probably love me too.  This visit though, was too difficult.  So we are packing up before things get worse and hopefully things will be better next time.

P.S.  My mother was bragging about a man from my father's church who just moved into a huge 5-bedroom house...I remember her saying that he was awful, but now she is impressed with his wealth.  When I said that "he's going to be tied with that camel trying to get into the eye of a needle"...she said that when you work hard, you can afford nice things.  NOT NECESSARILY...certainly not in this economy.  I know people who work their butts off and can barely cover the basic necessities...  Anyway, it was a dig because I am a full-time mom now and not bringing home a paycheck...  She really has no idea how much work goes into homeschooling... She stumbled across the picture schedules I made for my daughter so that she could grow accustomed to a daily routine...and she was like "What are those?"  When I told her they were for my daughter she got really quiet...she has always known that I am computer savvy and creative...and was silenced once she realized I was using those skills towards the education and well-being of my daughter and not at a job somewhere.  

I intend to return to work when and if I see fit.  I don't mind living simply.  The way things are going in our neighborhood, I might need to be "on-call" full time to make sure things are running smoothly.  I hung out with gang members when I was 12 years old while my mother held a part-time job.  It is so important for kids to have supervision...and to have someone there to love them and enjoy them.  Maybe she has hated me since I was 12?  I don't know.  I am much more outgoing and inquisitive than she is...and I think she has disliked being my mother for many years now.  That's too bad.  I am a mother myself now...and I don't have the time or energy to deal with her negativity.  We are potty training, you know!

[goatmom4]

Aug. 13, 2009 at 2:47 PM

well done jsut enjoy the kiddos they grow up so fast mine are teens I was a stay at home for a long ime I am just now getting a parttime job but my kids will still be the only ones I drop everyhting 4