I'm so damn tired.

[mlregalado]

          First, a little background. I am 25 years old, the mother to one and guardian to three. I am 32 weeks pregnant, did I mention that DD is 21 months?I am really trying to be a good house wife. That is, after all, the lot I have chosen in life. I didn't finish school, only three years of college, one worthless degree. I couldn't go out and make a descent living if I were to work. As a matter of fact, I'd be lucky to get a job that pays minimum wage in this economy. Pretty sad for someone who worked for ten years. So, since my husband works I try to have the house clean when he comes home and some idea of what I'm cooking for dinner.

          Now for my rant  about how I'm so damn tired. I'm so damn tired of cleaning the house only to have legos strewn over every square foot of it by 9a.m. I'm tired of the TV being turned on. Can you seriously not live with out it? I'm tired of feeding the neighbor's kid when I can barely feed my own. I'm so damn tired of people not picking up their socks and shoes, including the neighbors kid that, I swear, is trying to move in.. Is it THAT hard? Really? I'm so damn tired of my house smelling like a urinal. The toilet bowl is approximately 15 inches front to back, your weenie ISN"T! It can't be that hard to make it! I'm tired of sweeping and mopping the floor only to have it sticky the very next morning. I'm tired of being asked after EVERY SINGLE MEAL " Do I have to rinse my plate?" Of course you do. That is what we do after EVERY SINGLE MEAL. I'm sick of then being asked "Do I have to put it in the dishwasher?" You tell me. "Do you" "I don't know" What do we do EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. WE. EAT?

          I'm tired of my dear, sweet 7 year old nephew telling lies about me. I'm tired of hearing B.S. like "My aunt never buys me anything new". I've heard this from his aunt, his mom, his grandparents and my SIL's SO. Wow! Really? I don't buy you anything new? WTF? I bought them new clothes, new shoes, new beds, Oh, but wait, they didn't have beds at all with their mother Scratch the "new" off of that statement. I bought them beds(that happened to be new), I bought them mattresses, I bought them dressers, I bought them socks, I bought them backpacks, I bought them back to school supplies, I bought them books. I bought them sheets, I bought them water proof pads because they ALL wet the bed, I even bought extra sheets because it took all day to wash three sets of wet sheets and comforters. Especially if they just threw their comforter on top of the pee and didn't say anything and it took me a while to find it.

          I'm tired of people telling me that I'm "ballin'". Oh really? Let me tell you somethin'! My husband went to college for 6 years! He brings home $2900 a month. Way to go for being a teacher! Our mortgage is $1995. That leaves $1005 until the next time we get paid.  But wait! we have two car payments. so, thats $358 for his and $241 for mine. Leaving $306. Now we also have Insurance due on the first too, that is $136. So, after that we have $170 to buy groceries and gas to last until the next time we get paid. Was it poor planning on our part having two car payments? No. When I bought my second car I was working, I had ZERO children. Now I have four, one on the way, and half the neighborhood is at my house every day. 

          Now, I'm a guardian to three kids, right? Don't guardians get paid? Aren't they Foster kids? Well, I get paid. So the $170 has to last us for gas and groceries until sometime around the middle of the month when we get "paid" for the kids. But don't foster parent's get over $800 a month for each kid? Sure... Problem is we aren't FOSTER PARENTS. I'm their guardian. We get $550 a month per kid. That sure helps out. I couldn't do this with out it. When I got my nephews I spent over $10, 000 on all the stuff that I would have spent 12 years acquiring had I been their parent. But I didn't. I inherited three kids, then I went and gave birth two months later. Six months after I got the kids guardianship was finalized. Meanwhile dear old mom was getting that money as I was getting into debt. I paid off my brother's headstone the first time I got any money for the kids because his widow couldn't manage to do that in five years.

Then I began the long process of cleaning up my credit. It has been over a year and we're still about $4k in debt and we still have the monthly bills. The astronomical electric bill because the kids are too afraid to go upstairs to use the bathroom without the ten light chandelier on, but wait, those ten lights aren't enough, they need to turn on one more... just for good measure. Plus the one in the bathroom... And they CAN"T LIVE without the TV! Or video games!  And then they leave them on, all eleven lights, the TV, the game system. Because something is going to "get them" without all eleven lights on. Lets not forget the $1600 I spent on a new fridge because they don't know how to close the refrigerator door. Lets not forget about the furniture that they've destroyed that eventually I'll have to replace. Let's not forget about the clothes that I buy them. Lets not forget about back to school shopping or birthdays or Christmas. DD wore almost nothing but hand me downs the first year and a half of her life, they still constitute a substantial part of her wardrobe. But my dear sweet nephews have all new clothes and all new shoes and it's never enough.

So, here's an idea, before you tell me how "ballin" I am how about you stop to think just how much it costs to raise three kids starting with NOTHING!

 

[LeilaNanasmommy]

Aug. 14, 2009 at 2:38 AM

Oh mama...parts of this i just had to laugh at cuz i know how frustrated u are and i just wish things would get better for all of us! Im glad we have eachother! I love ya!

[jc1969]

Aug. 15, 2009 at 12:53 PM

I really understand I have guardianship iof four kids and had to pay to go to court to get that. It is not easy, but for the most part very worth it. I really do not know what else to tell you other than do not worry baout what other people say. They do not have to live with the stress etc. Do your kids through guardianship qualify for some kind of aid through socail services. Mine get temporary aid to families payment once a month and fiull medical. They also qualify for child care subsidy.