I read a post early that really and truly upset me. It wasn't really the post it's self that did it. It was all the nasty and harsh comments that followed. A fellow mommer and her husband lost a dear friend to suicide. She asked why it's ok for some people to think suicides are selfish. I can't believe some of the mothers on here. Aren't we supposed to come together in our times of need to support each other? I've lived through the loss of a loved one to suicide. I have also witnessed my own mother trying to take her life on several occasions. The last severe attempt caused a stroke.
Yes in some ways the people who choose to take their own lives are selfish for the fact that we, the ones left behind, are left to pick up the pieces and try ti figure out why in all confusion. You ask yourself on a daily basis "Why didn't I see it?" The truth of it is, if they wanted us to see it we would have. Chris, I had no idea that he was that depressed. We were in love, engaged and planning our lives then BAM! I was in California with family when I got the dreaded call. We are also left with the "What if's". You know the ones "What if I'd said this, or done that would it still have happend?" The only answer is " I don't know." Those in itself can drive a person bonkers.
When my mom tried to take her life it wrecked everyone in our family. She has grandkids that love and adore her. I knew for years that she was depressed but I had no idea with Chris. She took pills, he used a gun. They say that suicide is the easy way out. Not the way I see it. You have to plan to take your own life. You have to plan to leave behind the people who love you and would die for you. You have to plan to write letters. You have to plan the spot. You have to plan the time. It's not easy. For life to be that hard for you to choose to leave behind a little girl that only called you daddy. How can that be easy? I survived being left behind but the future was so hard to see without him. So tell me, is chosing to take your own life really that easy? Is it really that selfish because you think there is no hope? Would you want to suffer with cancer when you knew there was no hope for you? No you wouldn't how ever you also don't want to leave behind the people who love. I was told once that suicide is like tunnel vision. When your in tunnel vision mode you see nothing else around you and just the finish line. Sometimes your not sure even how you got to the end all you know is your there.
Unless you've walked the suicide line or been one of the people left behind you don't know what it's like. If I can stop one person from taking their life I will have been successful.
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