I never thought...

[jtsmom10]

I never imagined that I would be forced to write a letter of this nature, yet here I am...

I have always prided myself on being very independent, sometimes to a fault.  I even had difficulty asking my husband for help when we first married; that is, until 6 months after our wedding when I had to have my second major back surgery.  I discovered that the steel rod placed in my back at age 17 to correct scoliosis had broken and needed to be replaced.  I then found myself a newlywed who NEEDED to rely on my husband even when I did not want to ask for help.

I have since struggled with daily back pain and attempted to cope with the frustrating fact that I cannot do everything that I want to do (sometimes even basic things).  I continued to pursue my Master's Degree in order to become a counselor and have worked in the mental health field for the past 10 years, working with adults with severe mental illnesses and children with behavioral, emotional, and mental health issues.  This has been my goal since I was 13...

I don't think I could ask for a more rewarding job, although it is very stressful.  I love knowing that I am helping others cope with difficult situations, illnesses, family issues, etc.  Helping others, at times, helps me to overlook my own physical pain because I see so many other people who experience much worse emotional and physical pain than I do...

In April 2008, I injured my back at work doing a training that I informed my employer I should not do.  I was informed that in order to keep my job, I had to complete the training.  Ignorantly, I completed the training...Looking back, I should have simply refused, knowing my own health limitations.  I have since dealt with a very unsupportive employer, an extremely uncooperative worker's compensation company, and had to pursue legal means just to get even basic compensation and reimbursement for medical claims and lost wages.  Unfortunately, the legal process is as long and painful as the injury and rehab itself.  I am still waiting for an agreement for a settlement as the insurance company does not want to agree to a settlement.  At this point in time, I have not been able to maintain full-time employment since December 2008.  I worked as long as I could, but upon starting physical therapy in December, the pain increased drastically, cutting my work hours almost in half.  Since I have now exhausted my Family Medical Leave hours, my employer put me on an unpaid leave of absence.  So although I was trying to work as many hours as I could during these past several months and help my husband pay our bills and take care of our children, I now cannot do that, either. 

I'm not sure what I feel more frustrated about...the fact that I have overcome so many obstacles in my life only to have something like this set me back or the fact that essentially my job and ability to be financially beneficial to my family is in someone else's hands; not mine.  I have always strived to give my kids anything they needed (and a lot of what they wanted), and now I frequently have to say "No", even to things that seem so simple and inexpensive.  It has now gotten to the point that we have to start choosing what bills we can pay and which ones will have to wait...and by the end of this month, the decision will be whether we can pay our utilities or our car payments.  That does not even include the mountain of credit card debt that we currently have, as unfortunately we have resorted to using our credit cards for a lot of our frequent expenses, such as food, clothing, and household items. 

I feel like everything I have worked so hard for is crumbling around me and there is nothing I can do about it.  My husband and I are sharing one car because his air conditioner broke and we can't afford to fix it.  My oldest son who is 5 years old will be starting Kindergarten this year and we even have to struggle to figure out how to buy him school supplies and school uniforms...

I've looked for alternate job opportunities, but as many of you know with the economy being so bad, jobs are limited, especially if you are limited to what you can do.  Right now, I cannot work full-time and I have thought about trying to do private in-home therapy (because of course I cannot afford to rent an office space).  But, of course, everything takes time and that is not going to rapidly ease our financial issues.

I'm sure a lot of you are in similar financial situations or have experienced situations similar to this and I guess I was just looking for some advice, recommendations, etc...

[kyfiregirl]

Nov. 17, 2009 at 5:31 AM

I am so sorry ur going through this. I myself had to give up full time work because it was too much. i only work a few hours a wek(2 days) its better than nothin though. i also do volunteer so if I am having a god day i can go help but its not the same I know.   I wish you the best and pray you find your answeres. Its very hard not knowing what to do.

also, ho did the rod work for you???? any complications other than the one... di it affect your life? my 6 yr old has scoliosis, they have put in pins to replace her missing vertabrae but now want to do a rod and I am so nervous. just wondering. thanks.