Why do I feel as though I need to convince myself of that?  He's a kid, you love your kids, right?  Even when they make you go to bed crying every single night, when your blood pressure soars and you end up in the ER, even when they make you feel like the worst parent in the world, hey they even tell you that you are so there are no doubts!  If they get into trouble so much that you can recognize a police officer even if he is out of uniform and off duty because you know them well enough.  It they abuse you, emotionally, by threats and cursing at you constantly, or physically by throwing things at you or threatening to hit you and you hope they won't but you aren't sure of it.   If you can't wait for 4 more years to pass so you don't have to be responsible for him anymore and he can be out on his own. 

 you ask yourself over and over and over "where did I go wrong, what could I have done differently, why is he like this?" Even if there is a reason that could make him the way he is, abuse of the worst sort by a monster who changed their life and your life forever, how do you forgive yourself for not knowing and not protecting them.?  How do you not blame yourself for not stopping it, even though you didn't know? 

If they are in trouble because they hang out with the bad kids and now you can't do anything else but pray they change their ways and learn from the hard consequenses.  Even though they blame you for their problems and the hard times they are going through. 

How do you make sure they know you love him when you are so hurt and angry that all you want to do is push them away?  When you do all you can for them, getting them the things they need, but they hate you because you can't give them the things they want like dirtbikes. 

Someone please tell me, I am lost, my son is lost, my baby, the one I love so much I would die for him, but I am also responsible enough to turn him in when he is breaking the law and make him face the consequences hoping it will help him change the direction of his life. 

Someone tell me, how does this mother's broken heart mend???

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Comments:

jamie...
Aug. 16, 2009 at 8:08 PM

 Teenagers suck. Thats all there is to it. I know you love your son. But I learned the hard way that you can love your kid with your whole heart and soul and still not like them very much. Teenagers are very hard to like. I am taking a personal account of myself as a teenager. My mother loved me dearly and told me so often but said she just could not like the person I was. That stung; how could a mom say something like that? I spent alot of time making her and my dad believe they lived in hell on earth. The day came when I had a teenager of my very own. I have spent alot of time now begging for thier forgiveness. Just know that he will not be a teen forever (though it will feel that way). Also, as one who was molested and raped repeatedly as a child let me assure you that sometimes really bad things happen to our children. You were and are not to be blamed. If you took action to get him help when you found out then you have done him a great help. Not all mothers do. But he must learn that his actions have consequence and though he has been hurt he does not have to right to victimize others. Also he must learn that he is not to blame either. I have heard that this is harder with boys. And he needs to not let his past dictate who he will be. I hope you have the fortitude to get through this is one emotional piece. I will be thinking of you. I firmly believe if God gave us teens before babies the worlds population would drop with a quickness.

 

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Dabi
Aug. 19, 2009 at 1:29 AM

Your story is heartbreaking.  They always say, you hurt the one you love the most.  Sometimes when one feels bad inside themselves, when they are full of anger and disappointment, they look for someone to take it out on.  The teen years can be rough.  Hang in there momma.  The day will come and fast enough when he will have to take personal responsibility for himself.

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