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I've Become One Of "Them". Oh crap
- Aug 17, 2009 at 8:50 AM
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- Comments (4) Total Views (75) Everyone can see this journal post.
I've become of them.
The infamous "they" people.
-Those- people.
The moms who get up at 7am child awake or not, straight to the coffee pot and laptop to check social networking sites and manage the mother and me playgroup and social life they created all while running a semi-functional homelife and working full-time.
O.o
Sometimes I even amaze myself.
Not.
I'm becoming a total grump monster. I don't neccessarily hate my job but I really don't like it. I've reached a point where I want to stay home with my son and it's just not possible. And it's frustrating. So, so so frustrating.
And when you cap on I don't even have a home, then I just want to scream. I homeshare, sure, live with my best friend and his family - consisting of seven people. Yeah, nine people total in this big daddy house. I love it here, love the chaos, love the people. I've been the happiest here.
But I want my own place so bad.
I've lived on my own since I was 16. I had a whole household constructed. I even owned a home I worked my ass off for - until a few months ago when my son broke his leg. I missed three weeks total of work. Any family that goes paycheck to paycheck understands there's really no way to come back from that, not with a mortgage and car payment and various other bills (did I mention my car died when I move here? Oh, so I have no car now either). So, facing financial doom, my bestie Trace said move on up (well, it was quite a lengthy heart to heart, but I'll spare you guys those gory details). So, I packed everything, gave away half my belongings, most of Gauge's baby things I'd saved, my 18' red sectional that is a legend in my mind, a total, perfect legend, as it was my first big purchase, gave away dishes and towels and toys, clothing, curtains, anything to make the load lighter. Now, when I go that storage shed and roll up the door, I want to sit down and wail. What I worked so hard for, for so long, now fits in a 10x10 storage unit and four cardboard boxes of clothing I have in my room.
I feel like a failure. I feel like I'll never really be where I was before. I worked my ass off to get there and now.. well, now the spirit is gone. I don't even want to work anymore. I hate being home, because this isn't my home. I sleep in a six year old's bedroom. I eat their food. My son is on their schedule, not mine. I love it here, I really do, don't get me wrong. I just feel like my time here has, I dunno, expired. I'm just ready for my own space again, to breathe, to wake up and spend the day at home alone with my son.
And the fact it's unattainable until I purchase a car and save up several more hundred dollars for a deposit and first months rent...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Comments:
Since yesterday? lol! I can't wait to get outta here. I wanna be in a house, not an apartment, but I know I gotta settle. sigh.
My dearest Kodeekins, I know I haven't known you for very long but I must say.... you are an awesome lady! You deal with all the chaos at home and manage to be a great mom, organize our little group, work, and yet you still give each of us personal attention and friendship!! You are superwoman for sure!! If you ever need any help let me know!!
Aw, Amber!! Thank you so much! That's sooo sweet. I love you ladies, you're awesome! I'm so glad I met you!
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Oh dear! Sounds like you need some space! Since I have lived in LS most of my life, I know lots of little cute apts around. When I moved out of my moms I found this great old house that was converted into apts and was only $495 per month (1 bedroom) with all utilities paid! So let me know when you start looking and I will give you the low-down!
- RavishingMama
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