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Explaining the intircacies of women and men to a 17 yr old who thinks he knows it all ( you will laugh I can't make this stuff up)
- Aug 17, 2009 at 3:09 PM
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- Comments (5) Total Views (226) Everyone can see this journal post.
So my 17 yr old is once again fighting the night meds to try and stay up all night. It was 2 am before I finally crashed and burned, after he finally fell asleep. I got up at 6 got the kids off to school and decided I seriously needed some more sleep. I awaken at 10 to the ringing phone and it is my mom. She simply says, " What are you doing??" , I reply with, " nothign what's wrong?"
"Well I have a problem, I am umm bleeding." , just as nonchalant as she can be. One would have to understand that my mother remains calm when everyone else is going nuts lol.
My first thought is her knee that we have been dealing with since the first of June. But no. She is bleeding from har genatalia. Now she is 71 and had a hysterectomy 40 years ago, bleeding from there is not a good thing. Plus she is unable to pee and is in serious pain. I get out of bed while she contacts her doctors, and proceed to roll the grumpy 17 yr old out of bed as well.
This is where my belly laugh for the day comes in...
"Doug get up we are gonna have to take memaw to the doctor. " I say.
Various moans and groans from the bed and covers that he is hiding under, finally a face appears and the mumbles become somewhat coherent and I make out , " Whyu do we have to take memaw to the doctor?"
"Well she is bleeding. " I say, calm and collected.
"From where??" is his next question...... hmmm delicately without being too informative I reply, "From her hooha" , which is his particular terminology for that area of a woman.
Without batting an eye he says , " Mom she is 71 and has gone through menopause that CAN'T bleed anymore."
Ahh the intricacies of explaining unlike men we have 2 areas in that vicinity, one for urination the other for pleasure.. "Doug honey , first of all she had a hysterectomy and THAT particular part is not where she is getting blood from. She feels like she has to pee, but can't pee, and what does come out is bloody and she is in a lot of pain. We are concerned it may be a kidney stone which can block her ability to pee."
AS straight faced as anything he looks dead at me and says, wait hold on... ok calmed down again..."Tell her to make sure she doesn't have a piece of lint from her underwear caught in the hole mom, I did that once and it was a piece of lint , I took it out and I could pee again and it quit hurting."
You may proceed to laugh now, I howeveer stifled it till I was at least out of earshot.
"Doug, sweetheart, unlike men who have 1 hole for everything we are a wee bit more complex and have 2 holes and ours is not right there easily accessible, Soif we have gotten lint there soemthign is majorly wrong. And we need to wear looser undies."
He said ,"ya'll have 2 holes?? Why??"
AS I walked away I said, " Because God realized that one hole had a tendency to affect blood flow to the brain when it was responsible for everythign associated with intake and output. He made the rogh draft, then he perfected it by creating woman"
He didn't find that as funny as I did....
Comments:
By the way...is she okay?
Well that is to be expected although it was pretty funny. Just recently my 27 year old sister didnt know that she urinated from her PEE hole. Yes the one located on top of the "little man in the boat". She swore up and down that there was no hole there and that she urinated from her vagina, the other hole. This conversation took place on the phone and I had to call our mom on 3 way and let her in on what was going on. We both convinced her to get a mirror and do some exploring. I still cant believe she didnt know this at her age so your son isnt that bad, lol. Thanks for the laugh though!
luchianna - I had to explain the same thing to my 54 y/o MIL. She's had 2 kids and still didn't know..
This post had me laughing so hard!! Hope memaw is ok!!
LOL!! Hope Gram is okay!
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lol!!!!!! This reminds me. When I was pregnant with my 1st child my husband (then 23) looked at me and as serious as could be asks "If the baby comes out through that...what stopps you from peeing on him?" No one ever told him there were 2 holes there!! He thought that the baby was going to come out the same hole pee comes out. Oh man! I couldn't help, but to laugh at him. =D
- Krystal.Ingalls
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