NEWSFLASH!

[Kajenloca]

Dear Children, you are under the false assumption about certain things about me and I must finally set the record straight. Yes, I admit that I possess several superhuman powers: "eyes in back of my head", the ability to know all grievous and evil actions that you have freely participated in (or are thinking about committing!) even when I am no where to be seen, extraordinary hearing when you are quietly mumbling unkind words...especially when directed at me!, my super-radar when anyone is approaching my secret chocolate stash, my ability to multi-task at an ultra-crazy and inhuman speed...

So, I can see why you would be mistaken about this!

NEWSFLASH! I am not unaffected nor do I enjoy dealing with things foul smelling or nasty looking. I did not build up immunity to grossness just because I was exposed to toxic diapers and puked upon on a daily basis during my initiation into motherhood.

When I ask you to clean out the litter box belonging to the kitten that mysteriously turned into a cat that you BEGGED and PLEADED for don't feign gagging, roll your eyes and tell me you can't because it is disgusting! And when that same cat pukes up a fur ball don't leave it on the floor for me to clean it up-and inevitably STEP IN! My gag reflexes work just as well as yours!! Dear husband, remember this too when someone is throwing up in the dead of night... 

NEWSFLASH! I do not find enjoyment in unplugging the toilet either. I am not the only one capable in this household of removing the repulsive inhibitor of flushing the stool. Don't holler at me, "Mom, the toilet is plugged! Or, Honey, you might want to grab the plunger..." and then go on your merry way in life. Or worse yet, don't let me shockingly discover the problem after I innocently pee in the toilet and flush; suddenly immersed in my worst nightmare ever...

NEWSFLASH! If you cut me I will bleed. If you expose me to something smelly and offensive looking my stomach will turn, I will gag; I will shudder with dread just like YOU!

Please remember this the next time an unpleasant situation arises...

Who you gonna call-NOT ME!

[Lb128f]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 11:31 AM

LOL, very true! Maybe you should post this on the refrigerator too? :-)

[LadyC-C]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 11:38 AM

LMAO!!! this was hilarious! I totally agree with everything you said. The only difference is I'm divorced, so it's all left for me. At least I know I'm not alone.  THanks for the Laugh.

[mommytoadam]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 11:51 AM

Too funny....and too TRUE!!  :-)

[cupcakegirl]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 2:47 PM

I think we should all post this on the fridge!

[MinstrelMommy]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 4:05 PM

LOL - This is great!  Hang on, let me get my kids in here to read this....

[shell81]

Aug. 18, 2009 at 9:17 PM

 TRUE!

[Angellight626]

Aug. 19, 2009 at 12:06 AM

lol true

[Starfire73]

Aug. 19, 2009 at 9:32 AM

AMEN! I recently gave step by step instructions on "How to change the toilet paper spindle thingy when toilet paper is all gone and there's only the cardboardleft" GADS, I HATE HATE HATE it when he does that!!!!

[mama4Christ361]

Aug. 20, 2009 at 8:26 AM

LOL Oh man, I know this feeling! My dh has the weakest stomach ever. When dd would spit up, if he was IN THE HOUSE< I ended up cleaning up not only dd, but his puke as well.

Thank goodness our plunger is one of those professional jobs and I can only get it to work by applying my whole body weight--and have dd piggy back to add some more weight. Dh knows this, so when he is home, he unclogs the toilet everytime. I guess it makes up for the cleaning of the puke, because I invariably am the one clogging it....