A recent batch of Money Mom letters from Green Sherpa has everyone talking a lot about how our relationships are affected by money. It’s clearly on people’s minds.
Dear Money Mom,
My husband and I have never fought so much. We have always been really happy, but since he took a pay cut and I lost my job, we argue non-stop. Is this what it’s going to be like from here on out?
Hoping Otherwise,
Fighting Irish
Dear Fighting Irish,
As long as you still have the fight in you, you have what it takes to survive an economic downturn. To keep money conflict out of your relationship, be very conscious about how you spend your time together. Set aside specific times to talk about the finances. Then set aside specific times just for romancing. Make a date, and during it, make a rule that NO business will be talked about there. It’s hard sometimes, because we forget what to talk about when we’re managing a household all the time. A date can be as simple as a walk. If you have kids, ask family or a neighbor to watch them for an hour while you and your husband get out. Heck, play Frisbee. Anything to be together without the pressure of talking about what’s next or how-to manage. You’ll both be glad for the break. And when you meet for the business side of things, you’ll come at it with less pressure.
Dear Money Mom,
We are trying to shelter our three children from the possibility of losing our home, but they have guessed something is not right. I’m just not sure what to say to my kids when this feels like an adult issue.
Sincerely,
Words Get Stuck
Dear Words,
I’m so sorry for your challenge. Your children may be scared by what they can feel or judge from your stress levels and spending patterns. Helping your kids through financial hardship takes honest conversations and some deep curiosity. They need to know that you will do whatever it takes for them to feel safe and secure.
It’s about incorporating fewer expectations for them and including them in the process. Ask lots of questions. If there is no more money to go to camp, ask them what it was about camp they loved. Then make a deal to see what you can do together to create that feeling of camp they loved. Let them know you might lose the house, so that you can talk them through the transition. Ask them what they love about the house. If it is the tree in the backyard, maybe you can take the tree with you. Or you can set out to get a new tree at the new house. Or you can draw pictures of the tree and look forward to the time when you can plant that same one again.
Talk about the material items you love, recognize the feelings they make you feel, and then discuss how to replicate those feelings in the transition. If you do, your kids will understand that it is not the material things that are important, but the feelings they offer. When you work through the scenario together, it will help them know that things will be fine, and this, at bottom, is really all they want.
Originally published on GreenSherpa
