Looking back&Things on my mind

[Waiting2Adopt25]

For a little history**

My husband and I were married December 2006, we will be celebrating 3 years of marriage in 4 months.  We've had our trials and tribulations as well as so many great and wonderful times.  It is so amazing how you can love someone so much through EVERYTHING and with each passing day your love and companionship for that person grows and grows even more.

My husband and I knew right away we wanted to be parents.  I know this may sound weird to some people, but I have very good "instincts" so to say the least.  My best friend is trying to convince me to try out the lottery haha!  I had this feeling from the start we would have problems TTC.  We decided to let nature takes its course from the beginning and if it happened it happened if not then oh well it must not be the right time.  After a year of allowing nature to takes it's course we decided that it was time to get ourselves checked out to see if we needed medical assistance in getting pregnant. 

I saw the Dr. and they ran every test under the sun and could NOT find anything wrong.  My cycles are very normal, my hormones, my uterus, my ovaries, and my tubes were normal!  So she suggested we get my husband tested and start TRYING-charting temps, timing intercourse, and take vitamins/eat right etc...  My husband just was NOT ready to get tested so we decided to begin following the dr's orders.  STILL nothing- a year later my husband finally took the plunge and got his fertility tested.  Low and behold he was diagnosed with Male Factor Infertility.  It was sooo bad that our only hope in having our own child was Invitro Fertilization.  We did lots of talking and praying and decided that it was a BIG chance to take with A LARGE sum of money.  So we took an alternate route.  We decided Spring of 2008 we would take a break from it all and start full fledge January 2009 and do EVERYTHING we had to do to have a family. 

Janurary 2009 rolls around and we made our first appointment with the Fertility specialist.  We had decided to seek Intrauterune Insemination using donor gamets.  I was checked out again-poked prodded and violated as usual all for him to find nothing but a healthly reproductive system.  He gave us a list of donor banks he recommended.  We found a place in Michigan and after racking our brains for hours and weeks we finally found a close match to my husband.  We placed the order and waited to have the first round oif IUI done.  The first round was unmedicated due to my not having any ovulation problems.  Once it was time to start testing it was BFN's all until AF decided to show.  The Dr did another US and found we were 2 days early with the insemiantion.  It did not work due to timing.  So he decided to time the next round of IUI with clomid and trigger ovulation with the HCG trigger shot.  We had it timed down to the T.  I felt more confident in our efforts for the first time since the whole thing started.  Unfortunatly it did not take.  We were devastated!!  The Dr was pushing for another medicated round of IUI but we were just so emotionaly spent with the whole thing we had a long sit down discussion about where fertility treatments were going.  April of 2009 My husband and I decided to stop the treatments-If it was meant to happen that way IT WOULD HAVE!  So we went ahead full speed with our last and final option-Adoption. 

I contacted DHS and stayed right on top of them.  We had our initial home assessment done, our application, paper work, and finger prints done.  We were advised to try to foster care to adopt route-we were told it would be the "back door" into adoption so we went for it.  We completed all 27 hours of the RFT classes 6 of which were crisis managment classes.  We had our home Study assessment done then signed off on the Homestudy.  Once our case worker approved our homestudy we were certified foster parents.  We got our first call for placement 4 days after certification.  We took in two little boys a 10 month old and a 2 year old.  I did not realize it was an emergency placement until they were dropped off at our house.  We only had them for one short week (Just enough time to love them and form a bond with them) all for them to go back. 

After our experience with what little foster care we did my husband and I decided that foster care just was not right for us!  We were in it for a family not to be long term baby sitters or in it for the money like so many people are.  We were doing this all for a family we could call our own.  So I contacted our foster care worker and we gave our notice to remove us from the list and move us over to adoption.  After two long weeks we finally got a call from the Adoption department and they told us they received our family profile and gave us our adoption specialists name of who we had been assigned to.  The only thing they were waiting on was to get our homestudy converted from Foster care to adoption.  We are now waiting to hear when the matching process will begin. 

I know this is a LONG post already-seeing as it is my first I decided to get my story out so that all of you cafemoms have an idea who I am and why I am here.  My husband and I have experienced one heartache after the other TRYING to bring OUR little one home.  We JUST want to be a family- a  mommy and a daddy to a little baby boy or girl.  This is the part of life I will never understand-it's so easy for so many people to get pregnant a lot of the times without trying and then here we are along with every other prospective adoptive family or family suffering Infertility longing for a family.  Yet we cannot have one of our own and are forced to cross mountains to have a baby.  I have come to accept that I will NEVER be pregnant.  That is fine-I can say that now with full confidence.  We are just ready to meet our little one-especially now that I know motherhood-I yern for it more and more each day.  It's the most rewarding and stressful thing a woman can ever experience.  I know when we do get to meet our future baby boy or girl we will fall in love immediatly!  Until then all we have is each other and our furbabies!