Reflection, the fall season of my life

[ladyauthor2b]

With these dogdays of summer, I'm looking forward to fall coming, whenever that may hit.  I'm so weary of these constant over-100-degree temperatures that we've encountered this year. I think we've broken some record. Usually in my neck of the woods, here in Central Texas, a cold front might pass through sometime around or after Halloween. The way this month of August is zipping, it won't be long till we see Halloween decorations around the block. I would say in stores, but i was at the Dollar General the other day and they have already begun putting out Halloween stuff on the shelves. My eyeballs wanted to spring out, much like a buffoon cartoon character might while ogling some cute female. I went, "Wow!" but then I realized that the roll of holidays has begun. You know what I mean: Labor Day (Sept), Halloween (Oct), Thanksgiving (Nov.) and then the big one, Christmas (Dec.)  And the older I get, the more faster these months tumble, like dice.

I am never ready for any of them. And I always seem to wind up broke before them or afterwards: buying decorations, candy, food, etc. Perhaps this year might be easier on my household. My youngest will be turning 18 in October and she's a senior this year. Kayla also is working part time and she can easily buy her own items instead of asking mama for some cash.  Perhaps this year, I can stay home and pass out candy for Halloween. It might be a bit slow because the regular kids on the block are disappearing and older citizens are moving into those particular vacant homes. it seems a bit sad somewhat, but then I realized I have lived through my own Halloweens as a child and then lived them through my children. Now my grand babies will stop by to show off their costumes. I will take pictures and hand them a bag full of candy each, but then they take off again and I'm left with the silence. Perhaps I've have entered the "fall season" of my life too. So odd to even think about it.

This past Friday night, my hubby and I decided to escape everything: ringing phones, any kids or their friends calling or stopping by, and just spend time by ourselves. We booked a hotel room at a local stop, which wasn't the Hilton nor a rattrap. Something in between and pleasant. We met up after work. I got to go there first as I'm usually off by 3:00 p.m. I got my hotel slide card, went to the room, and changed into a bathing suit. The pool was out back and I had the entire thing to myself. It was awesome and a bit lonely too. No splashing kids, yelling, jumping or flinging water at each other. No adults telling them to get out of the deep end. Perfectly isolated. The sky was blue, the water clear and cool. The sun was bright over ahead and I jumped into clear, sparkling water that felt great. I floated. I swam some laps back and forth. I sat in the sun for a bit and then dove back in. I think I was out there for about 90 minutes. Then I went back to my hotel room, as nature called.

My hubby arrived to the room. He drank a couple of beers and I drank a Smirnoff and we watched the evening news. We ordered pizza and then about 7:00 o'clock, we went back to the pool to swim together. Again, we were alone. I guess it could have been really romantic, but we weren't young folks trying to impress each other to get to bed. We were actually enjoying the buoyancy of the water and how it de-stressed our bodies. We appreciated the evening setting down upon us, with the radiant colors off a distant sunset. We talked about ourselves for a change and future plans to make more escapes. We went back to the hotel room to relax some more and fell asleep in each other's arms.  Ok, maybe that part was a bit romantic, but I'll keep those details to myself. :) 

Then the next morning, I made one last dip at the poolside.  Again, perfectly isolated and refreshing! We left the hotel room and went out for breakfast and returned home. The surprise of the day was that my daughter had made plans to spend the night elsewhere and was nowhere in sight. The phone didn't ring but twice and we were left alone in the house, doing our own things, but together. We grilled chicken for supper and ate by candlelight. Just the two of us.

So as I reflect this Sunday morning, I'm thinking two things. How we must all progress past that ritual of raising kids, the hoopla that they bring into the household and prepare ourselves for the next stage of life, an empty nest. One day, my youngest will be out of the house for good and silence will again come.  What a transition for me, as I've been with kids the better part of about thirty years.  But if I can have again real intimacy with my husband and we can gladly share time together, doing the things we enjoy, isn't this something I've earned?  I am beginning to think so and I don't think this is being selfish. Personally, I can't wait to escape again somewhere, which I know will happen at the end of September as we are planning a week vacation by ourselves.  

I think this season I'm entering in my cycle of life will be refreshing.  A time to reflect and savor, the good and the bad of my past.  It's like feeling the cool breeze hit our face, lift our hair and perk our internal senses. We look to the future knowing our time is limited, but we appreciate what we do have now.  And I do appreciate it. It's just that it might take me a time or two to get past feeling odd about it.  It will happen soon enough. Like with everything, this too will pass, albiet a bit too quickly.

Tags: fall season, empty nest

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[OldnWiseMom]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 2:46 AM

Enjoyed reading this journal entry.  It was like taking a small vacation myself!  I have been thinking along the same lines--the twins are jr's now, 16yo.  My last babies are going to leave home before long.  Only, I don't have a SO, but I am serenely single--I am actually looking forward to having my home (whatever that may be) to myself--especially the bathroom!  ahhhh, my own bathroom---what luxury that will be!