I need help with my step daughter please

[rebl_roze]

HI ladies, I just spent the weekend with my 10 yr old step daughter and I am totally spent!

Its really bothering me because there is something wrong with the child but I dont know what. She is 10 and takes med for ADD, but that is just the tip of the iceburg. She has the social skills of a 3 yr old, saying and doing inappropriate things. Her speech pattern is very odd too....she doesnt use contractions...she says could not, would not, I am....instead of couldnt, wouldnt, I'm etc. She gets on a subject and just wont stop. Hours and days later she will be going on and on about something. In conversations she gets stuck on one thing and cant comprehend that the people around here have moved on to another subject. She wont look people in the eye, she is always looking at the ground, she ignores you when you talk, she goes on to do what ever is in her little mind. She is 10 yrs old and doesnt know her phone number, comes unglued if she gets dirty, has to be told over and over and over (excessively) not to do something or to do whatever you want her to do. She needs guidance on the simplest things like brushing her teeth. She didnt know  how to put the tooth paste on her toothbrush......Im so frustrated!!!!

She also has unfounded fears....she is afraid of so much stuff, I dont even know where to start. At camp the other night she made the statement that she likes to hurt things when people make her mad....I was totally scared about that one!

My husband is currently trying to get set weekend visits with her....she lives in another state so we will only get her one weekend a month. Hubby was never married to her mother so when they split up, no visitation was set.......he just now has the money for the lawyer so even though he was away from her for a couple of yrs, he is now trying to get visits with her....its so frustrating to him too.....he doesnt even know where to start with taking care of her.

We are going to request her health and school records but as far as we know, as far as her mother has disclosed, she hasnt been tested for anything other than the ADD.

Any advice? Any one know what could be wrong with this little girl? Autism perhaps?

[Alynn74]

Aug. 23, 2009 at 8:07 PM

 I would definitely suggest having her evaluated for autism. It's what it sounds like to me.

[shell81]

Aug. 23, 2009 at 8:08 PM

I would like to invite you to come join my group - Step Moms W Bio Kids

I would talk to the mom about taking the child to the doctor to see what the doctor says. Also since she is a child from divorce parents the mom needs to consider her getting counseling.

Here is a link to check out - Autism Society of America

I think it is good how she says could not instead of couldn't.

[hatcherbee]

Aug. 24, 2009 at 4:29 AM

A lot of what you've mentioned sounds normal to me. I've got 4 kids and they tend to do things in excess and be annoying and act out around strangers or when they are uncomfortable. I still battle with my 15 year old to brush his teeth and he's just a normal teenager being defiant.

I'd start with getting her off of that medication. Plus she's going to need a lot of time adjusting to seeing her father again and being in a new environment. You will probably need a lot of patience while getting to know her once she's adjusted.. who knows how she's been treated all this time or what's been told to her about her father. Consider all things, don't just look to a doctor to label her.

[secondwifesclub]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 2:29 AM

hi,

I don't agree about not letting doctor diagnoss child. I had done much research on autism as both doctor and i had some concerns about it. Thankfully there were other medical issues that were mimicing autism.  I also have a few friends with children who have autism at varying degrees.  That''s my point. there are many degrees of autism..and with the proper diagnosis, a proper plan can be worked out.  it means more than just medication.  Autistic children learn very differently from the standard way other children learn and in order to have your child grow up with the most potential it is so important for them to get a specialised educational plan set just for them

Please hear me...ignoring it won't make it go away or make it better. Undiagnosed autism can lead to a life that none of us would ever want to lead. it is true fact that many drug addicted, criminal activity persons are the result of years of undiagnosed mental issues.

 

[secondwifesclub]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 2:38 AM

hi again,

I also wanted to that with proper diagnosis, it could very well be something other that autism.  But reguardless of the diagnosis...it seems that you have still much to learn about parenting and step-parenting.  The only way that you are going to resolve this situation is by changing your perspective of your step-daughter.  Instead of seeing her as a problem, look at it from the point of a bio parent..to help her, not help you. If your own child were autistic, you would go to the ends of the earth for her..not only that but you would also change your own behavior if it helped the situation.

I have been a step-mom for quite some time now and when things are not working, I try another perspective.  A child is not to blame, but a product of their environment.