I spit the wicked words.

[Kodeekins]

My keyboard is totally covered in powdered sugar. O.o

From making super delicious puppy chow/muddy buddy mix. Zomg... It is the most awesome thing I have ever spent five minutes making. And it's so simple.  (Thank you again Amber! MUAH!)

Yesterday, I got promoted to supervisor at my job. I'm very unenthusiatic about it.

I got the position with limited availability. I don't work nights. WON'T work nights. And now all the other 'head cashiers'/supervisors are pissed. Because, well, I don't work nights. And they went around complaining to several employees. Who came to me to tell me how unfair it was of me to apply for the position with limited availability when all the other people work nights.

After the... sixth... maybe seventh person in four or five hours approached me about it, I said, "It's amazing everyone here forgets I'm a nanny for 4 kids 12 and under when I'm not at work. My recipocration (sp) for this work is:

1. A room in a nice, 4000SF+ home

2. Living with my best friend, his mom, and siblings.

3. Having a car (almost) always at my disposal.

4. No bills. None. No rent. No groceries. No toliet paper. No tooth paste. Nothing.

5. Cable TV, high speed internet, home phone, and video rental memberships at my disposal.

6. Well, I don't need six. I'd say this nanny stuff pretty much speaks for itself.

The only thing it DOESN'T supply is income, to pay for my one expense besides clothing, which is my cell phone. And I'm saving up to replace my car that died.

Would I really inconvenience someone who has welcomed me into her home without ever meeting me, given me this lavish lifestyle, and readily accepted me as family?

Psh. Hell naw. So I would appreciate it if everyone would realize WHY I don't work nights is because I HAVE A SECOND JOB!"

And he apologized for assuming I just wanted to party. X.x And said he's intercept anymore gossip about me.

Sigh. The BOSS men hired for the damn position knowing full well I didn't work nights. If I get anymore grief about it, I'm going straight to their office and giving them the same speech. And then telling them if they don't shut the other people up they can have the freaking position.

I've been in such a funk lately. So down and depressed and insecure. So NOT in the mood to deal with some chidlish drama just because I have never worked nights at that job and don't have the availability to and other people DO but they are freaking UPSET I -don't-. What. the. hell. Am I so interesting people have to obsess over what hours I am available to work. It's freaking ridonkilus.

And something else that's redonkilus? I've gained ten pounds since I moved here four months ago and I . feel . fat. Obese. Gelatinous. Jiggly. But I KNOW I'm not. I can see it in the mirror, I'm not fat. But I FEEL fat. I feel nasty and fugly and so insecure I freak out and start crying at complete random times. I can't even go to the mall with Trace without getting all bleh because I see all those perfect girls with name brand clothes I have never wasted the money on and their perfect teeth and eyes and their smooth skin and nice hair and great bods and I just wanna start bawling.

I HATE feeling like this. I've never ever cared before. And Trace, of all people? Psh. Come on. He's my best friend of ten years. He KNOWS me. And I know him. And we are a force, lemme tell ya. We operate on a totally different level than we do with other people. He waited for me for ten years while I screwed around (not literally, lol, but he dated 3 times in ten years and I had so many bad relationships you can't even count them). He traveled half way across the country to offer me a chance at this, a nice life, in a decent home, with people I'm so proud to call my family, something I never had. Again, story for another day. But... yet, I find myself in shambles over the silliest things lately.

Other recent happenings in my life include but are not limited to:

Trace started back to school full time, on top of working fulltime. So now I rarely see him.

I was harassed and stalked for the past two weeks.

I learned how to make baller chex stuff.

I have made some friends here whom I love dearly and am so glad to have met! (you know who you guys are!)

...

Someone please tell me how to get my sanity back. I just wanna be Cody again.

[Krystal.Ingalls]

Aug. 24, 2009 at 1:03 PM

Aw.  I'm sorry your having a hard time.  =(  That chex mix/puppy mix/powdery sugar goodness sounds awesome by the way!  lol!  I can understand the whole feeling fat, but not being fat thing.  I can no longer fit into any of my jeans...none of them.  And I'm only 8 freakin' weeks!  >.<  I suppose slapping the next person who said something about you not working nights would be a bad thing to do...lol.  Maybe you can just visualize it!  I don't know.  I can't stand people like that.  I know I shouldn't consider my baby's extra fast heart rate a good thing, but it keeps me motivated to either ignore just about everyone...or walk out if someone's getting on my last nerve.  I haven't figured out how to leave before opening my big mouth yet.  Maybe I should work on that.  Anyway, I think you are doing great with your TWO jobs.  =)  Helping out with 4 kids and then idiots at work all in the same day.  Now there's an accomplishment!  I hope things get better for ya!

[Kodeekins]

Aug. 24, 2009 at 3:48 PM

See, its weird, dealing with all the chaos here is sooo simple compared to going in and worrying about drama. I call it childish drama, but it's not, it's just stupid. To children, when they can't stay up past their bedtime, its a tragedy because they don't understand that the world does go on. Adults on the other hand.. They know better. It's stupid.

(Original Poster)

[kira110782]

Aug. 24, 2009 at 6:17 PM

Dang, Girl!  I know how ya feel on the body-feeling fat and all.  The only way to get past that is to somehow get the attitude that you are hot sh!t.  It isn't easy, but damnit, you got promoted!!!  You are hot sh!t!  lol:)  It sounds like you are stressed, and have no time for you!  Lemme know if ya need anything, an ear, a lunch/play date, anything...