Age is only a number.

[autiemommy2]

And I say that not because of my age, but because age has nothing to do with certain things in life. Some times it is a matter of logic or emotions, not age, that determine your view on certain subjects.

My vent this morning is about age... about age being only a number and not the determining factor in the decision made. It's about doing what is best, not about the age of the person involved.

My oldest son, who has classic Autism, needs extensive dental work. We have known this for 2 years, but no dentist wanted to work on him b/c of his AGE. He was too young, they wanted to see if we, as his parents, could improve his teeth without having to do major dental work, they just didn't want to take on that kind of task yet. Whatever the reason, my son has suffered for 2 years and eats very little b/c his teeth do hurt. We have done everything we can to help improve his teeth, but the condition of them was past the point of simply brushing.

So here we are... waiting on our insurance company to decide how much of the dental work they are going to pay for. We hope they pay for all of it, but there is a good chance they won't. And what they don't pay for, we have to pay for out of pocket - which is money we don't have. We would have to borrow from our parents. Well, we've already prepped our parents and asked if we can borrow the money when the time comes....

My mom pretty much said no. My dad said yes. My in-laws has a different solution that just irritated me. My FIL suggested that we do the dental work in sections - break it up and only do what we could afford. Now this is where the age issue comes in. I'll get to it....

We - the parents and the dentist - want to do this all at one time. It's less traumatic for our son. Plus, if we break it up, it will cost us MORE in the long run b/c we have to pay $300 every time we go in. We only want to pay the $300 fee once - not four or however many times it will take! Besides, there is no guarentee that our insurance will allow us to break up the visits. And by the time all of this is started, we will have another child. I'm due any day now. It's already hard to schedule these appointments, now I will have to add a newborn to the mix... we don't have any family here to help out and keep the youngest kids while we are at the hospital with the oldest kid. There are so many reasons to NOT break up the visits. Yet, my FIL thinks it's the best option. I don't see how that is best for any of us involved!

But b/c he's older, he has more age, more wisdom, more expertise, he thinks he is right all of the time. He's not looking at the entire picture. We understand if he doesn't want to loan us the money, but don't throw out a "solution" that doesn't work, that hasn't been thought out completely, and that makes matters more expensive and worse. FIL thinks that b/c we are only 30 years old - making decisions for our 3 year old, that we don't know anything. He is basing this off of our age, but we are not allowed to base his flawed thinking off of his age which is pushing 60. There is no sound logic in his thinking of breaking it up, but does he listen to us? No.

I'm fed up with age being a determining factor in some matters where it really doesn't matter. Yes, in some cases, it is the heart of the issue, but in this one (as well as other life issues) it is not. We are doing what is best for our son - the less traumatic, less expensive, less time-consuming way. Age should have nothing to do with this decision. It's frustrating when our parents don't take us seriously b/c of our ages... or they undermine our parenting style b/c of our age or that they did it before us. Well, things are different. We know more information now than they did 30 years ago. And they are not raising kids with Autism - we are. They don't have to deal with the consequences or aftermath of giving our kids something they are allergic to - we do. They are not the ones sitting in ER for 3+ hours with a cranky child who does not understand why he is being held down for shots/blood draws - we do. They don't worry 24/7 - we do. But we have less age, so we don't know, and they know better.

And I think that is crap. Age is nothing but a number in those cases. Age has nothing to do with it! It's so very frustrating. We are already struggling to come up with the money on our own. We have cut every corner we can. We have emptied our savings account to pay for all of the other medical expenses our children need. DH can only work so many hours for so much pay. The Army (aka Congress) doesn't give raises very often; and when they do, they are miniscule at best. What else are we supposed to do? We have to call on family for the help with  money. Our son has to have this work done. He cannot suffer any longer and he needs to be able to eat without being in pain. Age has nothing to do with any of these facts.

Our parents get on to us constantly b/c we still feed out kids jarred baby food. We HAVE to or they would starve to death! It's the only way I can insure that they are eating the amount of food they need as well as get the fruits, vegetables, vitamins, and nutrients needed for proper growth, development, and weight gain. I don't care what it costs. I am doing what I have to do. And part of the problem is teeth. My oldest has decay on nearly every top tooth. My youngest is cutting FIVE teeth at once, and having the hardest time b/c he won't chew on anything to help with the cutting process. They are both miserable when it comes to eating b/c they are in pain. It's saddening. But our parents think it is b/c of our age. It's not. This is part of Autism. It sucks!! And they don't have to deal with it. I'm just frustrated with it... age is only a number.