In less than one week

[jennmarie77]

I think I've been in denial for the past 6 years, thinking that my baby was going to be home with me forever.  Ha!  Next Tuesday he starts his first day of kindergarten and boy am I sad and am I in denial.

It just hit me today that I'm going to have to change my thoughts on lunches.  I'll actually have to start packing a lunch for B instead of letting it up to him what he has each day and letting him fix it.

We sat together today going over his menu for the next two weeks and I think he picked two days that he wants to buy, every other day (6 total) he wants to pack his lunch.

Now that may change once he starts school, so we'll see.

I have so many emotions going on right now I could just cry.

I'm scared that he won't make friends, I'm scared he will be teased.  I'm scared he'll not do well in school, I'm scared he'll get so tired and overwhelmed, he won't like school.  I'm worried the teacher won't understand him and he'll get frustrated with school.

It will be almost a month before he'll get his speech help, which makes me worry even more.  I'm afraid until he starts again, he'll have taken a step back instead of ahead.

I'm not all negative. I'm hopeful that he will make some terrific friends, that he'll love school and he'll excel in it.

I just want to wrap him in my arms and hold on to him and not let him go.

I know these are all normal feelings but they're so real and so scary for me.

I also doubt our choice to put him in a public school.  Was that the right decision?  Should we have looked into a private school?  Should we have home schooled him?  Is this really the right decision?

I worry that he'll be exposed to things I have tried to keep him from.  That he'll get more of an education than I would like.

Have I instilled in him the knowledge he needs?  Have I taught him enough that he'll know what is really right or wrong? 

I think I need to stop thinking and start praying.  Praying that God will watch over him and protect him.  Pray that he will learn to lean on God for all his needs. 

Ugh, I'm going to be such a mess when Tuesday gets here and it won't help that it will be the most emotional time of the month either  :-P

Dear God,  Please help me to make it through.  Protect Benjamin and give me a calm heart.  Hold all of us through this time of change.

In your name I pray, Amen.

Tags: first day of school, kindergarten, back to school, daily buzz, life

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