facing a harsh reality

[VelvetCat]

I am at a huge point in my life..  I have to make some big decisions and it is really hard for me.  It may not seem like a big deal for a lot of people, but for me it is.

I am 31. I am in school full time  (well, almost) to become and Interior Designer. My school is expensive and extremely demanding and time consuming. I love it, and I love my career I am working towards.. well, I did....  I dread it now... every day of school, every assignment that is due....  

I am an idiot, who waited too long to go to school, and decided to do it AFTER havigna child, then decided to have a child while in school.  I dotn regret my children.....  I regret my choice to go to school.  But at the same time, I really need a great career. My family is depending on it.  My DH is working his ass off to provide for us while I am in school He has no degrees, and we both made the decision for me to pursue a career. Well, who knew it would be so f****** hard!!??  I can handle a lot, but this is too much.

I am sick of the guilt that I am ignoringmy kids all day to get homework done, so I dont do it anymore when I am home with them  I wait til DH is home or when everyone goes to bed.. which means I dont get any time with my DH, and I am badly lacking sleep.. my health is suffering, so I am forcing myself to sleep, but now my marriage is starting to suffer, so what the hell do I do!!??.. 

If I quit school I will have to work so shit job to get us along for the rest of our lives, and never live our dreams....  will be a poor example to my kids.....  I HATE THIS!  I really do want to continue school , but i cant see how. I dotn have many oprtions at all for help from friends/ family.  Cant afford daycare/ prescholl even.. I got nothing.

SO I am down to either quitting school, or completeyl eliminating anything that gets in the way of my family and school time.  That measn no time for myself (which I dotn have now anyways)., no occasional coffee time with friends (already a rarity). I am choppign my hair off so I dont have to waste time doing it.  I will go back to not sleeping much,a dn just have to pray that my marriage can go without attention another 2 + years.

 

Fuck.

[angelofhope]

Aug. 27, 2009 at 3:54 AM

I believe that anyone who says going to school, being a wife, and a mother is a piece of cake are lying.  I love nursing school but, missing out on time with my family can definitely suck the fun out of anything and at times make me depressed. When I am studying I feel guilty about not being with my family and when I am with my family I am stressed out about up and coming tests or assignments. At some point I had to weigh all the pros and cons and learn to relax and enjoy the moment. My son and husband are the most important part of my life but, it was more beneficial to me and my family for me to stay in school, and honestly I really want to be a nurse. The only advise I can give you is to follow your heart. What is best for you may be different than what is best for me but, in my case I had to have a heart to heart with my hubby and let him know how much pressure I was under. Did he completely understand? No of course not but, I truely needed his support and understanding. I honestly think you are awesome! I have one child but you were blessed with two gifts from God.I believe if this is what you want for your family you can do it. I'm not saying it will be easy but you are half way there. Good luck on your decision. You'll definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.