Banned from a journal

[mina_amysmom]

Yesterday this woman posted on her journal about a situation that I guess has been ongoing with her DH. Apparantly one night she woke up to find him looking at porn.

Now, I should preface this by saying that her posts were very unclear whether or not she actually had a problem with him looking at the porn, or if the actual problem was him "lying" to her about it. She said several times that she USED to enjoy looking at porn (but apparantly this whole ordeal has caused her such deep emotional stress that she can no longer fathom doing so) and that the whole issue was his lack of respect for her. I never got to the bottom of whether the lack of respect was his lying or his continuing to look at the porn.

Either way-her post went on to say how she has blocked and banned sites from his computer so that he could not look at the porn. WTF, seriously? Is he your son or is he your husband? If you can't work shit out do you really think the answer is to try to ground your husband? So I guess the guy worked his way around the blocks and was *gasp* looking a porn again and...YOUTUBE GIRLS TAKING BUBBLE BATHS.

Now, for people that don't approve of porn, I respect that. I would also assume that you entered your marriage with a clear definition that porn is NOT ok with you and that your DH agreed to that going in. But to say that your entire marriage porn was ok, then all of the sudden change the rules and expect that your DH is just going to go along with it, is assinine.  It's like marrying a smoker then bitching about him smoking. Or marrying someone that hates the outdoors then bitching about him never going camping. You marrying the person you marry and to expect them to change because all of the sudden YOU feel differently, is a recipe for disaster. DO NOT ENTER A MARRIAGE EXPECTING TO CHANGE A PERSON.

So anyway, my reply was pretty nice really, I was trying to give her honest advice that her blocking shit seemed ridiculous and that she should try to drop her fanatical pursuit of trying to be his mother versus his wife (I didn't even use those words, I was really, really nice)  I mean seriously, if I was married to her and she was treating me like a child, I would show her the door. What kind of RESPECT is that for her DH? But I guess only HIM respecting HER is important, right?

She replied that she should not have to drop it, bleh bleh. Restated that she didn't have a problem with porn, that it was all about respecting her and not lying or hiding it. So I said...and this is seriously all I said. "So if he told you each and every time he looked at porn, it would be ok?"

This morning I went back to check it out and I was banned from the journal lol.

So I guess my question is. Why do people ask for advice and then when they get advice they don't like, they don't want to listen? I mean, what is it that people have against alternative viewpoints and learning and expanding their thoughts? Why do people take it as a personal attack if you don't stroke their ego and tell them how wronged they are?

Is it only women that need to constantly be agreed with and told how right THEY are and how wrong their evil husbans are? Don't these women realize that sooner or later their husbands are going to get tired of their shit and kick them to the curb? Or even worse-give into the affair because the other women doesn't treat them like shit or nag them to death.

I have been reading Dr. Lauras Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and it is a really good book. My first marriage I was an "ok" wife and my husband was an "ok" husband. I did all the housework, watched the kids and he worked but honestly our relationship as a couple was non existent. Sure, we were nice enough to each other, but I didnt really treat my DH with love. I didn't let him know how important to me he was. And in the end, leaving him seemed like some great adventure where my life would be oodles better and I would be free.

Fast forward to now. I have learned alot and really I have had to learn not to be one of those stupid girls that only listens to "advice" if it is in agreement with me. My best friend is the queen of giving it to me straight, and really, that is what a TRUE friend is. Someone that looks at a situation from all points of view and tries to help you work through it, not someone who holds your hand and agrees that you are completely valid in all of your thoughts. I have a much better marriage now. Sure, my DH isn't everything that I want him to be, but I am sure I am not everything he wants me to be either. The difference now is, I TRY. I try each and every moment of the day to think of things that would please him. I know how horrible divorce is, and honestly I never want to go through that again.

Marraige is work. It does not just happen and not everything in a marraige is about YOU and YOUR feelings. I hope that this girl snaps out of her stupidity before she ruins what seems like an otherwise good marriage.