I feel scared, lonley and confused..

[Lulu_101]

I can't stop breaking down from crying :(

Ever since I told my mom that I"m pregnant, she keeps calling me from Canada and telling me that I should go back and live with them. The only reason I left for  Bahrain was because they severily bruised my life and really ruined my life with abuse and so many negative things while growing up. As a child and a teen growing up, I always felt I was inadequate, had low self esteem, made friends then quickly lost them, got bullied, got lonley...it was to the point where for 2 or 3 months I refused to leave the house and just lived in my room! Thats how bad it was :( I was so isolated that I never wanted to talk to anyone.

When I left for Bahrain...I was so happy to see my husband, I was the happiest person alive. He is like my best friend and totally understands me.I can totally trust him. My plan was to go back to Canada after two weeks. After finding out that I could easily extend my visa to 4 months I decided to stay and just kept renewing my visa. I was so emotionally broken and I never wanted to see my family again. I was living in a very horrible basement apt in toronto by myself and I HATED it. I hated the people living in the house. I don't like living in Bahrain that much but I like it because it was a big break from the horrible life I lived as a teen and as a child. I remember that I was not allowed to bring certain people into my house or really make friends with some people. There were so many restrictions being made and I was only like 16 years old which is the age of conscent in Ontario, Canada. That means, at that age, you can get your own apt and if your parents send the police to get you back..the police won't do anything because it's your right!

I don't know what I would do without him..he's like my best friend. I hate all guys and I think they're jerks lol but he's more of a best friend than a husband. He took me in when everybody I knew rejected and made fun of me...cuz I was emo and depressed all the time..and he was so nice and took great care of me.

My mom keeps calling me saying "OH, since you're doing nothing at home, you might as well come back to Canada and finish your high school while pregnant" I agree she is right about the high school part but she has no right to say that "I'm doing nothing" and being a housewife because I can't find a job and many jobs here need high school diplomas and university. There is also no part-time job. I feel like she is totally belittling me - like my life doesn't mean anything or that she doesn't respect my situation. She is a housewife herself and has been for so many years. I don't understand why she is acting like that. I could go back to Canada and get my diploma..the problem is, my husband has passport problems and he lost his passport a long time ago and of course his country doesn't give a crap so they never really replaced it. I feel that I can't go on with pregnancy being a wreck like this...I need support from him during my pregnancy because he's the father of my baby. I just can't imagine leaving him..this is the first time in my life I actually got accepted by someone for who I am .

Another thing that's been bothering me..I have wanted to plan a homebirth or a natural birth for so long. Obviously, if you're living in the Middle East, this is very hard. I super happy when I found out that there was a hospital that provided a water birthing facility! After emailing them, they told me that they no longer offer this because the Ministry of Health didn't want to license their midwives for that facility. They even told me that its illegal in Bahrain to have a homebirth wth??? I never want to go through an unnecessary cesearean/drugs etc and malpractise! OBs can judge you by your size and if you're not pudgy looking like I am ...but "skinny" looking, you will get a cesarean no matter what because of your "size". The nurses were so rude and the hospitals are so filthy...why would anyone want to birth there? 

I broke down crying because I feel alone right now, I feel like no one understands what I am going through..my husband just left for Saudi Arabia this morning...I just need a shoulder to cry on..anyone?? I feel so beat down ..so left out...so unappreciated...

[DaisyRain]

Aug. 29, 2009 at 7:40 AM

Hey Lulu

I'm not sure why you think homebirthing is illegal in Bahrain.  I have a friend whose mother is a midwife in Bahrain and does home births.  I will see if I can get you an email or contact number.  As for feeling alone, I can only imagine, but know that you have a family that loves you and friends here. 

You said your mom is a housewife, can she visit you? Depending on how far along you are, you cannot fly  (i think it is 8 months but I am not sure)

How is your husband travelling if he has no passport though...there must be something he can do given the situation.

hope all gets better

 

[goatmom4]

Aug. 29, 2009 at 8:05 AM

prayers