Confused and a little upset

[AmandaI1021]

I am engaged to this pretty great guy. I love him dearly and he loves me even more. We have arguments like any couple and usually work things out right away with apologies and kisses. But there is something going on that has started to cause more problems.
I've been a vegetarian for a year and he is an avid meateater. He eats no veggies really and not much fruit. Just meat.
I'm reading more and more and it reminds me of why I became a vegetarian and want to become vegan. It's not like you forget those reasons though. It isn't something that is petty or silly. It's very important to me and it upsets me a lot. I don't know how to handle this. I definitely don't want to lose the relationship. But I don't know how to compromise. So far I have went all the way with buying meat and cooking for him and all that. I am sick of doing something that makes me sick doing it. I feel like if I don't cook for him, he won't eat. It is already like that sometimes. (I broke my ankle a week and a half ago and he's been doing the cooking, sort of).
I'm not really sure of compromises. Or how to work the budget out for groceries. I think that we both and both my kids should have plenty to eat but it is only fair to have equal amounts of food. I am heartbroken that something that is so important to me is not important to him at all.
To me it is a moral issue. It's like religion almost. You have moral values and then your significant other is the polar opposite. It's hard to handle. I need some support and ideas for compromise on this one gals...

[chocolatluver]

Aug. 30, 2009 at 10:29 PM

I know exactly how you feel...I was a vegan when I met my now x boyfriend..he was a raging carnivore..I used to cook meat for him...preparing it made me nauseous, sometimes I'd just want to cry or go on strike or idk...SOMETHING..it was seriously  traumatic for me...but I wasn''t working so I felt it was my job to cook and houseclean. and I didn't feel it was my place to try to control his eating habits. The issue went unresolved..I'm sorry, I'm not any help at all...just want to say I empathize~! (((HUGS)))

[Krystallized]

Aug. 30, 2009 at 10:31 PM

Oh boy. They say opposites attract. I wish I could give you advice, we are meat-eaters here, but my sister is vegetarian. Is there a happy medium?Is he willing to try new things? Personally (and this probably isn't something you'd want to hear) I'm not satisfied unless I do have meat in at least one meal, but maybe he could be more open to trying veggies with the meat?? IDK...wish I had something to say...Good luck.

[sugarmagnolia1]

Aug. 30, 2009 at 11:09 PM

I know how you feel! When I first met Mike he made fun of me, I didnt stand up for myself and I ended up resenting him. You have to stand up for what you believe or you will hate yourself in the end. Mike knew I didn't buy or cook meat so he ate vegetarian meals at home. 4 years later he is vegan and I never said a word about it. If he loves you he wouldn't make you feel like that.

"its better to be hated for who you are then be loved for who youre not"

[MissG9]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 10:58 AM

Well, I think that you CAN work this out...IF...

I'm an atheist. And, my husband is a devout Christian.

And, we can work THAT out. We figured out a way to compromise, especially with our children. I attend church when he asks, and I am not busy, and he can take the children (we only have one now) to church whenever he wants, to expose them.

My dad was a vegetarian when he met his now wife. They have been together for about 15 years. She STILL eats meat. But, NOT in the house. They don't keep meat in the house. They eat organic EVERYTHING. They actually have an organic farm business. Haha. But, when they go out, she will order a meat plate if thats what she feels. He doesn't STOP her from eating meat, they just came to a compromise, of no meat in the house.

It would be unfair though, to ask him to give it up. And, if he is paying half the bills, or more, it's actually  unfair to FORCE him to not have meat in the house. My stepmother agreed. So, it was easy enough.

I'd just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Have a fair plan ready to present to him. If you come to the table with something for him to work with, he will be more WILLING to work with you, because you have put aot of thought into it.

I was a vegentarian for about 8 years growing up. My mother used to cook two seperate meals. One that was meat free, and another for the rest of my family. Maybe you could do that.

 

[emhain]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 4:04 PM

YOU cook the food YOU want to eat. Everything you eat is food that is GOOD for him. He can eat it. And if he wants meat, let him eat it... after HE cooks it.

My husband is a die-hard carnivore too. I eat meat, but I don't NEED meat at every meal. So I cook whatever it was I had planned on cooking for the family. If the meal doesn't include meat and he wants some, he cooks it himself.

I already have a  food allergic preschooler. Cooking is hard enough. I am not about to cook an entirely separate meal just because he wants something else.

[evwsquared]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 4:35 PM

It can work. My BIL is a hunter and fisherman. His wife is a pesca-vegetarian. However, she supports his lifestyle and cooks for him. They eat a lot of fish together. Everyone is amazed at how they coordinate it so well.