Stranger Danger - How to convey to a 3-year-old?

[LadyJag]

 I took Alyssa to one of her classmate's birthday parties at a local park on Saturday. While it was a kind of strange party, it was a good opportunity for Alyssa to hang out with her friends from school and for me to meet some of the parents.

Anyway, the kids were all eating cake at the picnic table in the party pavilion. I was standing in the back of the pavilion, behind the picnic table talking to one of the parents, and Alyssa was sitting at the table, her back to me.

Well, the cake was one of those pull-apart cupcake varieties, with the globs of icing on top. Alyssa decided that she was finished with her cupcake and wanted to clean up her hands, which had cake and icing all over them. So she got up, didn't see me, and walked around the table with her hands held out, trying not to get the mess on herself. I watched Alyssa as one of the dads came over to her, said something, then took her by the wrist and started walking off. I excused myself from the parents I was talking too, and followed behind, making my way through the pack of kids and adults at the party. The man spotted a woman just outside the pavilion, stopped, and said something to her. It looked like he was asking if Alyssa was her child, and I saw the woman shake her head "no."

At that point, I called out, "She's mine!" and finally made it over to the man, and he turned around to face me. He smiled and said something like "There you are! She wanted to clean up."

Now, I had no idea who this man was, and I'm sure his intentions were kind. He obviously was trying to take Alyssa to her mommy so that I could get her cleaned up. Still, I was horrified that my child would just walk off with some stranger!

I took Alyssa to the bathroom and while I washed her hands I told her "NEVER go off with a grown-up unless Mommy tells you specifically that it's ok. If the adult says 'C'mon, let's go find your mommy,' or 'C'mon, I'll take you to your mommy,' you tell them 'No' or 'No thank you,' then you call for me and DON'T go with them."

Alyssa seemed to understand, and I even quizzed her ("what do you do if...") the rest of the day, but how on earth do I teach a 3-year-old about strangers and who is ok to ask for help and who to believe when they say something like "I'll help you find your mommy," or "Your mommy said it was ok"?

When we're at Disney, Alyssa usually wears a Safety Tat with our cell phone number on it. I tell her that if she gets lost and can't find us, to go to a cast member wearing a white name tag and show them her tattoo. But what do I do outside the parks?

I certainly don't want to just tell her "Don't talk to strangers" and that "a stranger is someone you don't know." Then all someone has to do is ask her name, say "Hi, Alyssa, I'm Chester Molester," or "I'm Joe's dad" and then he's not a stranger anymore.

At the same time, I don't want to make Alyssa afraid of people or confuse her. I mean, she's really smart, but she's only 3! I want to keep it simple, and still keep her safe. I certainly don't want to give her a long list of who to trust and who not to trust. I also don't plan on letting her out of my sight when she's in my care, but what about when she's NOT in my care or if she gets lost?

How do you teach your kids about strangers and safety?

[sadiee21]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 12:25 PM

See if you can find the book Never talk to strangers. It explains what a stranger is and is not. I have it from when I was a child and I read it to my kids. Though my 8 year old still talks to everyone even though he knows he is not supposed to talk to strangers. Good luck

[ZacsMom]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 1:37 PM

We're having the same type of struggle with Zac.  He has been giving us grief about riding in the cart at the store so we told him that he can walk but he has to hold one of our hands.  Of course, we got the "because why?".  When we told him that we didn't want him to get lost, we got another "because why?".  Hubby finally broke down and told him that some people are bad and we don't want the bad people to take him.  He said that he understood and will actually ask us if certain people are "bad", but I don't trust that he truly understands the danger.  For now, we've vowed to never let him out of our sight but like you said, you can't be with them all the time.  It's a scary subject and hopefully someone else with more experience under their belt will have some suggestions for you.  And me.

[Michelleo419]

Aug. 31, 2009 at 2:06 PM

Im glad you asked this question because i have been wondering the same thing myself!!