terrible twos - needing advice

[bloodstone]

     My son just turned two in July and has been going through this "terrible stage" far before his birthday.

     I am a student. living with my own father, and raising Joe without the aid of his father.

     I sometimes feel like my son hates me.  He hardly EVER obeys me unless my voice is lowered to a growl, or I approach him with a serious and psychotic expression on my face... to which he either laughs/runs away or cowers and sometimes goes submissive like a dog... and who knows if he does the submissive urination...  And even if I act nice, he pretends he cannot hear me.

     During the week, my next-door neighbor and I have 1-hour play-dates to keep our sanities in check... along the way, my neighbor's son (2 yr old too) is teaching him to throw far louder tantrums that needed.  Her son has kicked my boy because he is used to getting his way at home... I immediately remedied that action however by grabbing her son, looking him dead in the eye with the "infamous mommy look" and tell him that we did not play rough in my yard and if he ever wanted to play with my son again, he must be nice.  Needless to say, my neighbor has to drag her son kicking and screaming to the play-dates now because he is scared of me.

     My son does not talk yet.  He growls and yells and meows and screams when things do not go his way.  When he throws a tantrum, as I have explained before, he screams really loud.  Despite my attempts at "shushing" him, lightly tapping his lips, threatening to send him to the moon/blousing his nose (which I wouldn't), he only grows more obnoxious!!!  I get to the point where I send him to his room, hoping the fit will cease soon.  Of course it doesn't for a while, he screams still and begins slamming, and reopening his bedroom door, waiting for me to poke my head in to tell him to stop.  And even if he calms himself down, he will whine just to get his jollies because he knows it annoys me!!! 

     When he is upset, I never can seem to calm him down.  About every night he wakes at the same time and won't stop shrieking until I give him a glass of milk.  On occasion I will go into his room, re-tuck him in, and sit beside his bed until he drifts off again... but it happens seldomly.  He's not teething either, so I think he only wakes up because he knows I will go in there to soothe him.  The sad thing is that he doesn't have this routine at his grandma's house!  He sleeps through the night over there.  The only other thing that soothes his soul is listening to the goth/metal band Type O Negative. 

     When we are at home by ourselves, oftentimes I feel like he is the one neglecting me!!!  I will be doing various things about the house and he would rather play by himself/climb the movie rack/read to himself/chase the dog/growl at his imaginary friend/hide under his bed/litter my room with his toys/watch movies than be with me!  I need some help as to what activities I can do to develop a better bond with him!!!  Growing up, I was the oldest of 3 and never really played with kids my age; I preferred to hang out with the adults.... so technically I do not know how to relate to a child or play with one proficiently. 

     I'll admit, I allow him to color and draw with hopes that he received my artistic talent in the womb... and I do the mommy duty of baking cookies/pies/brownies for him... hell as I write this, I am in the process of making strawberry leather snacks.  But I don't know what else to do to bond with him!  I don't want to keep turning him loose in the backyard, staying 6 feet away with a watchful eye!  I want him to like me, not just love me because he has to!!!  I want to do things with him on a one-on-one basis!!!

[jus1jess]

Sep. 1, 2009 at 2:53 PM

Well first things first, you need to get along better. He'll never listen to you if he doesn't respect you. Just do your best to stay calm and consistent. Listen to him, TALK to him, have set immediate consequences for everything (positive and negative). Like firm no's, relocation when he does something wrong, good job's whenever he does something good, and always talk about what he did and why you're doing what you are in result. Make him want to spend time with you. Do fun stuff together. Don't try anything too harsh cause it'll only make him more withdrawn. He's in a transitional growing phase so things like spankings and what not should be left out.