NO Courage

[chela17]

Yes, I do not have the courage to have baby# 2.

My little girl will be 2 on 9/30 and it has recently been hitting me that she is growing up sooo fast. Her size I guess was still making me feel that she was a baby as she remained petite up until a month ago. In the beginning of June, most of her clothes were big on her and now I find myself cleaning out most of her drawers because they are all small on her. She has never hit this kind of growth spurt. The rate is sort of alarming/a wake up call because my baby is no longer the short little runt in the playground =(... 

As of last week, she is 24lbs and 34in. At her last dr appt. in May, she was 20lbs and 29.5in. Oh man she grew and it's really making me feel that I need baby# 2. No, not because I feel like I need to have an infant, but because reality is that I know I wanted 2 children at least so that they can be close in age and our family can be 4. You know, one close to mommy and the other close to daddy.

I won't even dare to get off BC though. My little girl was unplanned and I thank God that we have been able to survive, meaning we have been able to provide for her and able to give her the quality time that I lacked as child. I do not want to bring another child into this world if we don't even have things prepared for the coming of one. We have a small car, we do not have our own place, my credit card debt will hopefully be long gone by the end of this year, I have not finished school, I do not have a job that I can see myself for a long time, I mean the list can go on and I don't think I can live with myself if I bring another being into the world and have to cut back on giving them on what they want and need.

For right now, it can be one, but I know we want another. I just won't even joke around about getting off of BC. He even mentioned to me..."SO I'M COUNTING THE MONTHS...WHEN DO YOU HAVE TO GET PREGNANT IF WE WANT THE BABY TO BE BORN IN APRIL?" (our birthdays && wedding anniversary are both in April && it has always been a "thing" of mine to have a baby born in April && I think his too now that he mentioned that. I say, "JULY...BUT THAT ALREADY PASSED SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR". Hopefully we are in a better situation because the thought of it would be nice, especially since we had a rough June 2009 && now things are a lot better...It would be something we both wanted.