Today, my husband left me!

[nEwMoMmY041408]

I haven't written in a "journal" since 5th grade.  But i think today, i need to.  i'm 5 months pregnant with my 1st child.  my husband and i have been married for about a year and a half.  we've had our ups and downs.  we decided to take a break, well actually, i left because i couldn't take him anymore.  he was always mean and so inconsiderate to my feelings.  and when i say mean, i mean, MEAN.  if we got into an argument, he would tell me he's done with this crap and leave and not come home for hours.  when i left, he promised he'd work on things and get back to being who he used to be.  well, he followed me to where i was....500 miles away.  everything was going wonderful (btw, i found out i was pregnant 2 days after i left)....then i found out he cheated on me with this girl betsy.  i talked to her...she had no idea.  she texted after we talked and told him that he was horrible for cheating on his pregnant wife.  i'm not mad at her....but how could he do this???  how can someone make a bond with you and then break it like its nothing.  he never even seemed torn up about it.  did he think about what damage he could have done if he'd caught something from this girl, made love to me and gave it me and our baby??  my poor baby girl....now she has to grow up without a daddy.  i live in mississippi, he just left to go to california.  that's 1200 miles....28 hour trip, if you drive straight through.  if he thinks my daughter will be traveling that far, alone, he's really nuts.  i would hate to have to be the one to say, no, you can't see your daughter....but in this case, would i be wrong.  see, my worry is he will hurt her like he's hurt me.  if a little boy on the playground calls her stupid, i know she'll be strong enough to walk away knowing that's not true, and even if it hurts her feelings, she'll forget about by the end of the day.  but if her daddy gets mad and calls her stupid, how will that affect her?  i can only imagine, and i would go ballistic if he hurt her.  i don't for a second think he would ever physically hurt her, but emotional scarring is worse a lot of times.  its just hard for me to imagine doing this without him.  we planned it for such a long time....i dreamed of this all my life.  then on the other hand, i know i deserve better, my daughter deserves better.  when i cry because i've had a bad day, or just because i'm pregnant, if he does yell at me and call me names, he laughs at me.  what kind of sick person does that?  i just don't understand.  i wish someone would slap me and say get over it....i wish that would actually work.  i know whats best.....i'm not even in love with him, most times, i hate him.  but it makes me feel so low when he puts me down and doesn't care.  i feel like jello, before you put it in the refridgerator.....like i'm one cup of water, from being the powder form....if that makes any sense.  also....before he left, i asked him if he wanted to kiss his daughter good-bye....he sped away, and then called and cussed at me.  what a jerk.  forget what he does to me.....how could he do that to my baby girl??  thank God she's still sheltered by my womb.

[SissyAnn141]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 12:03 AM

If you need a group...

We are here for you.

Look at my profile.

[GaMomx3]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 8:53 AM

At least you found out now before that sweet baby is born. I am sorry that guys are jerks at times. Hang in there, it will get better.

[jramsaran]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 8:59 AM

The guy is an asshole...

you can do it better on your own...

step up and be the mother you want to be for your child...

[Nikkibaby123]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 8:04 PM

wow.. reading your story almost made me cry... you and your daughter deserve better.. thank god she is still in your womb you have time to get yourself together so you can be a wonerful single parent to her... if you need someone to talk to im here...

god bless you mamma and cheer up... i can only imagine how hard it can be!!

x0x

[moncar]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 9:42 PM

Girl we are all here for you stay strong, it is his lost remember that trust me i understand,  its great you know now i had four daughters to raise alone it was hard but i had to be strong, You are better with him and you do deserve someone better and is going treat you right you don't need TRASH.

[sati769leigh]

Sep. 3, 2009 at 9:43 PM

i am so very sorry for your pain

[jokermom]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 12:17 AM

"hugs" Be strong...I am so sorry.

[SEEKEROFSHELLS]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 2:06 AM

 If he doesn't call your daughter stupid but calls you stupid in front of her it will affect your daughter. gosh i am so sorry for your pain, but the good news is you don't have 2,3, or more children to support while he goes on his happy way. You said you are like jello, well miss jello I don't think so. I think you are stronger then you think. He has abused you and battered away at your self worth, and like rain drops dropping on a stone to wear it away - he wore away your self worth and your sense of self. Post here, people are here for you. If you lose the house or apt. go to a shelter. Pregnant moms get lots of help in shelters, or go home to family. You have pain, but little by little you will get back what that abuser took. Your daughter won't have to go through it. I say Congrats on the start of a new future, a new healthier future for your unborn baby.

[PattyAnn1936]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 2:46 AM

Good riddence to bad rubbish. You both deserve better than that. As for being jello, woman it only starts out liquid. It makes the amazing molds and can hold together in the most amazing ways. There are worse things to be.

[Leeshamak]

Sep. 4, 2009 at 2:55 AM

I'm so sorry that excuse of a man was so mean to you~ and to his unborn child! But, hun~ dust yourself off~ You care going to make it! You have to....I have faith in you and so does that sweet lil baby growing in you. Big Huge Hugs to you after an emotional day....