Not YOUR WAYS says the Lord

[tnovak]

Well I can be really stubborn.  One thing God is (for sure) teaching me is to trust Him to meet all my needs/ wants.  Not to rely on myself.  I have this huge desire to feel safe and secure so I plan out in advance and go ahead and I meet my needs.  Well, I waste a lot of time and energy in my plans. Well, we all know what this can lead to anxiety and stress. And wasted time. Because if it isn't God's plan it isn't going to work out in the end.

When I was preggars- the pregnancy was awful. I could go into details but that would take too long. I wanted Evalyn out.  I was walking, swinging, doing squats, anything I could (just not eating or drinking anything).   Mike was also doing his part.  Well finally God said "Not your ways buy my ways"  Well when I heard this I just stopped b/c I knew it wasn't going to happen- when God says no- it's a no. It doesn't matter how hard I pray or anyone else.  After she was born, it all made sense. The placenta was 41 weeks and she was 37 weeks- weird.  I'm not a druggie or anything but God's timing was perfect.

Well, I still don't learn my lessons and I have grandiose plans for our lives but I realize after wasting days on ideas that I have to stop!  Because God has it all figured out.  He started at the beginning went all the way to the end and then back to the beginning.  I don't have to worry- he knows whats going to happen.  He has always provided.  We will get a bigger car and eventually have a home.  All in His time.  My ways always seem perfect to me but when they are performed in God's ways they are so  much better b/c I learn to trust Him.    If I got things like I wanted then I would have the perfect worldly lifestyle and not need God for anything.  Would I be happy?  Would I be seeking God?  Would I pray?  Would I learn anything?  I don't think so.

I love to journal- I always feel so much better after.