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What Sophie taught me...
- Sep 3, 2009 at 10:33 PM
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- Comments (5) Total Views (88) Everyone can see this journal post.
I had no real idea how much she meant to me, till she was gone.
Her mommy-dog belonged to me, and I took care of her when her babies were being born. Sophie was the runt of the litter, and wasn't breathing when she was born. I just held her little, cold body in my hands and gently rubbed her down with a soft washcloth, till she started breathing. She was a little thing--smaller than her brothers and sister. She missed a lot of meals, because she loved to roll up tight in the corner of my comforter and sleep.
At the time, I was face-to-the-wall depressed, and rarely got up off the couch. Just once every 12 hours to go to the bathroom. I wore my clothes all day and all night---the same black pants and brown print shirt--without changing or bathing---for a long time. I knew I was dying, but my only response to that thought was, "so this is how it feels."
Since Chelsey (mommy-doggie) had her bed beside my couch, I found a reason to open my eyes--to check on the puppies--make sure they all got "plugged in". I had to keep unrolling Sophie, like a little burrito, to encourage her to eat. The thing that kept me breathing from one day to the next was, I needed to count the puppies, to make sure they were all there and OK, and that they were all eating. I would count, always coming up one short, look for and find Sophie, unroll her tiny body, and help her get "latched on." They were so cute to look at, that I found myself sleeping less and puppy-gazing more and more. There's nothing so precious as baby-anything's. So, even tho I felt like I was dying, I was afraid that she would die if I didn't take care of her, so I took care of her instead of myself. And I had something to think about. Before, I just lay there, sleeping off and on, just hurting and thinking about dying, and putting myself down for being so useless. Sophie needed me, and she gave me a reason to live, and one thing I could do right so that I didn't hate myself so much. God used her to create within my heart, in spite of my illness, the beginning glimmer of hope--a will to live, and a distant thought--maybe I won't die after all.
That's all I can write tonight. I just need to ponder this awhile. And adjust. I will write more when I am able, in another journal entry.
Thank you for reading this far. I really appreciate you.
Comments:
Awww I am praying for you and thank you for taken time out from your loss to comfort me. I pray God blesses you even the more. I would love to be friends..
It seems now, after reading this, God had a plan all along for Sophie's life....what an amazing story!
Keeping you in my prayers, and loving you with all my heart, take care of yourself and know I'm here.
Hope whispers sometimes, so listen closely...
I'm so sorry about your little Sophie. I know how much pleasure a sweet little doggie can bring. Hang in there and don't let this loss bring you down again.
DEAREST SUNSHINE: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GIFT YOU RECIEVED FROM GOD...HE'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. HE KNEW YOUR TRUEST GIFT N TALENTS ARE IN MOTHERING...THERE IS NO DOUBT...SOMETIMES WHEN WE ARE AT OUR LOWEST...THAT'S WHEN GOD STEPS IN AND SHOW US HOW IMPORTANT WE REALLY ARE TO HIM. SOPHIE AS YOUR KIDS ARE GIFTS THAT THE ALMIGHTY BESTOWED ON YOU CAUSE YOU ARE HIS BELOVED. GRIEVE, TAKE THIS TIME FOR THE LOSS YOU FEEL, AND MOST OF ALL START REMEMBERING THE JOY, THE REASON, AND ALL THAT THRU SOPHIE GOD BROUGHT YOU TO BE YOUR PURPOSE IS FOR A REASON SO KEEP ON, CAUSE YOU ARE LOVED AND NEEDED BY SO MANY INCLUDING ME. MY PRAYERS FOR PEACE EMBRACED WITH JOY OF RECALLING AND WRITING ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY WITH SOPHIE ....WE ALL WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE, YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS. LOVE YOU GIRLFRIEND, SENDING YOU HUGS CSJOY1
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I sat crying as I read this. See how the Lord works. I'm so happy he gave you little Sophie. I know she loved you as much as you did her. How old was she? I'm praying for you honey and don't you sat down and give up again. I need a friend and we can talk all you want. May God bless you and lots of hugs to you. Love
Phyllis
- nanu43
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