-
Having a hard time dealing with the death of 2 very close friends...long!
- Sep 4, 2009 at 1:40 AM
- By
- Comments (7) Total Views (690) Everyone can see this journal post.
My 2 best friends died in a car accident back on June 7th and I am still having a really hard time dealing with their deaths. I just can't accept it, even though I had to witness the wreck. My Fiance and I were not far behind them. We had left a pool party and were on the way home. We lived only a street apart. Her and her boyfriend, Blake bought a house right after us and right by us so we could be close. I think that is the worst part out of everything. I had to watch my 2 closest friends die. I am traumatized and scarred for life. My life has not been the same since and will never be. My girl Rachel was like a sister to me. She was my partner in crime and the one person I did EVERYTHING with. She has been by my side for long now it is so strange to not have her here. Blake has been in my life just as long. I met them both the same night. She is the one who has got me through the last few years, which have been stressful for me. She was their to hold my hand when I gave birth to my daughter. She is...was her Godmother. She helped me get through those first few weeks of not knowing what to do with a newborn. She was a few years older than me and I always looked up to her. She always had the answers and knew what to do. She was not a mother, but had been around babies her entire life, unlike me. She had younger siblings and I didn't. I am an only child. I can't even put into words what she meant to me. I know I miss her more than anything. She died on impact, or at least I am told. She was ejected from the car. I just pray she didn't have to feel any pain. She was in bad shape and the wreck was terrible. Our other friend, Blake, was the passenger. He was Rachel's boyfriend. They had been dating on and off for 14 years. No matter what happened between them, they always found their way back to each other. The only thing that comforts me is to know that they died together. I honestly don't believe that they could have lived without each other. They were soulmates. They had each to lean on to the very end. It is kind of romantic, in a weird way. He did not die instantly though. I know that he suffered and that is what hurts. I wish he would have died instantly too, but he didn't. He did not get ejected as far as she did, but had severe injuries, including a broken neck, internal bleeding, and head trauma. He died the next day in the hospital. I don't think he would have wanted to live life in a wheelchair. He would have been paralyzed from the neck down. We made ourselves feel better by joking that she was probably saying, "What took you so long?" I knew by looking at him that night, that it was bad. I know he gave up though because at the scene of the accident, the paramedic said in front of him that Rachel had died and I know he heard it. He was still concious at that point. My Fiance was so mad when he heard him say that because we were there holding Blake's hand the whole time until the Air Med arrived. He loved life and was an amazing person! He was kind, loving, and the definition of a great friend. He was always laughing, joking, and smling. He could always put a smile on my face no matter what kind of day I was having. He was one of those people that you just loved having around. My 2 year old daughter is so confused. She knows that Nanny and Blake went "bye bye" and that the are "up there," but I know she doesn't fully understand. Mikayla adored Rachel as much as Rachel adored her. She would light up when Rachel came over, which was every day. It breaks my heart to know that she is to young and will not remember any actual memories. We have pictures, but that will never replace actual memories and having been there. I know that I cherish every moment now, because this experience has proven to me that life is short and you have to treat every day and moment like it's your last. I had no idea that when we left the party that day that they would get killed a few miles up the road. I would have told them so much more and hugged them, but I didn't. I figured that they were coming to my house, so I didn't bother. Cherish your friends and family because you never know. They were 2 young and healthy 26 year old people and in an instant they were gone. It was so unexpected. Life is short so enjoy it! I know that this is long, but it helps me to put my thoughts in writing. I guess it is my way of grieving.
AWESOME PICTURE! It reminds me of them!
Beautiful Angels
Studio Pic
Forever in our hearts!
Blake, Rachel, and I...I miss them so very much!
Comments:
Im so very sorry for your loss....I cannot even imagine how hard that must be...If you need someone to talk to im here for you....i know your friends are in heaven and they know how much you love them...You now have two angels looking over your daughter and your family....hang in there your doing a good job <333
You've just made me cry. I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing to help this pain, but I send my best anyway.
I am so sorry for your loss! Althought I never had a best friend like that I can only imagine the feelings you must be going through right now, I will keep you in my prayers.
I am so sorry your going through this. They are together now...resting and not in pain. Maybe you can make a album or scrap book about the two of them. It might help you keep your mind on a project. In the end you will have a beautiful piece of work to share with your daughter and others. Im always here if you need someone =(. Life is a scary place...you never know when it will be your time. Just remember to enjoy all of the little things. Even if your daughter makes a huge mess and you dont feel like you can take it anymore. Remember these days will be over soon and you will wish them back more then anything! I try and remeber that everyday. I know when my children are gone and out on there own. I am going to look back and wish I could do it all over again. Im thankful for what I have. Altough sometimes its tuff you have to keep going. Life keeps going....you can do it! Be strong for Mikayla =)
I am so sorry for your loss.
I saw that one of your pictures of your friends' was popular.. and was looking at them. It's so sad! Life is so unpredictable! & We always think that "it will never happen to us".. but, it does. My husband and I learned that almost 2 years ago, when we lost our daughter. There will always be a hole in our hearts.. but we still go on & live life to the fullest, enjoying every moment with our 2 other children. I know we'll meet again one day, just like you'll meet your friends again one day. & Please know, your daughter has 2 extra guardian angels watching over her. ...Also, my son was just about 2 when we lost our daughter.. something that helps him know that his sister is up above watching him, is blowing bubbles to her.. he enjoys that. Maybe you can try it with your daughter? To help keep their memory alive. Sorry again.
Already a member? Click here to log in
Check out these Tasty Treats from The Stir's partners:
I commend you for being willing to grieve, love and feel. Youre normal in your struggles. Not much time has passed. If youre getting out of bed, youre doing great. Keep breathing, and talking and crying. I read a book "Psychic Diaries" by Lysa Mateu. It helped alot. Keep talking to your friends, they hear you. They havent gone anywhere, and they are still loving you&yours. We dont get to see the big picture.
- Norabutterfly
Message Friend Invite