Beginning my recovery from a broken heart!!

[nEwMoMmY041408]

I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt....you said i could trust you....well, i can't.  you said you would not hurt me, but  you did.  you can't even go one day...we were getting along, i was starting to think that maybe, just maybe you really were going to do right by me...looks like my gut was right again.  Its okay, you are who you are, but i will be who i want to be...and all i want is happiness for myself and aubrey.  We, as a couple, obviously do not fall into that calculation!  You might want to start making other arrangements for a phone if you need one, as yours will be disconnected tomorrow.  If for some reason you need to get ahold of me, you have my email.  My number will be changed.  I cannot live like this, and I DO NOT have to.  I'm sorry things had to end like this, but you made your bed, now lay in it.  I still love you and I will always have a special love for and bond with you...you are the father of my child.  I do thank you, though, you have given me a gift that no one in this world has given me...a strength that is unbreakable...my little girl is all i will ever need.  i pray no man ever hurts her the way that you have hurt me and if for some reason he does, I hope that I was able to teach her to be strong to walk away as i am doing from you.  Give me some time and I am sure we can continue to be friends, as we cannot let our differences affect Aubrey.  I hope the path you have taken rewards you in all the ways you hoped for.  As for me, in these past few days, I have reached a calmness that I have never known....I am no longer going to stress over things i cannot fix (you)...I have something to be happy about in my life, and i AM GOING TO BE HAPPY.  I need no man to do that for me.  I told you that i would give up graciously, and that is what i have done.  I still love you and always will.  I hope life treats you well!

That is the email I just sent my husband.  It took a lot out of me, but I didn't cry.  I stood strong, and I took up for myself.  I let him know how I felt without letting him see me down.  Ladies, it felt DARN GOOD!!!  For the first time in a while, I feel rejuvenated.  Just two days ago, I was lying in my bed and hadn't had a shower in days...yes, I stunk....it was bad.  I had to force myself to eat.  But the thing is, I don't have time to soak in my misery, I have a miracle on the way, and she needs me.  She needs the woman I am inside, the woman I have always been, but have let a man push it away.  Instead, that woman has been set aside, and I had become woman who cared nothing for herself and everything for this man .  This man, who betrayed me, lied to me, lied to his daughter, lied before God...this man, who just 3 hours ago made a list of all things he would do to make things better, signed up for match.com.  This man, who when he was caught, still tried to lie and say he didn't.  Oh, how i could go on and on....the point is...I am cutting the tie with him.  And because of actions he decided to take afterwards...i quote, "If you try and take my kid, i will kill you, b****.  I will slit you f***ing throat!"....I am placing restraining orders on him, and NOW, i will doing everything in my power to keep him from my angel.

[kaysha]

Sep. 6, 2009 at 11:04 PM

hugs

no woman needs a man who treats her like crap! Good for you for standing up and saying enough is enough!

[mbk24]

Sep. 6, 2009 at 11:06 PM

Stay strong. You did the hardest part. The point is you did it. That calming you feel is a beautiful thing...I know I feel it now after three years of bullsh**.  Take care of you and that wonderful little girl.

[arnisha1120]

Sep. 7, 2009 at 1:55 PM

i wish u the best of luck i wish i was as strong as u....me and my husband is separated right now...but i keep allowing him to come in and out my life....

[DeTora_Family]

Sep. 7, 2009 at 5:59 PM

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  From the way you describe how you're feeling now, you made the best decision you could.  Many other moms have been where you are right now, so I hope you get a lot of support.

[lovelygirllmt]

Sep. 7, 2009 at 10:45 PM

I can't wait for you to see your little Aubrey! Every ounce of courage you have will suddenly come so clear and it will be so much easier for you to feel strong. Meanwhile, hang in there! You are very admirable for knowing your own worth, what better to teach your baby girl! :)

[Emmy03]

Oct. 26, 2009 at 12:08 PM

You sound like you are doing what is best for yourself and your daughter. Good for you for standing up for  yourself even if it hurts.