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Sticks and Stones
- Sep 7, 2009 at 12:36 PM
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- Comments (15) Total Views (515) Everyone can see this journal post.
Remember that childhood rhyme? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" I'm sure you do. Often it was shouted at kids who were calling you names, or taunting you. But the truth is, the words do hurt. They leave scars that you can't see, but never fully heal. Bullying hurts, and can lead to depression, anxiety, and in the worst cases, suicide. We need to do something about this!
Here is my story, in short.
In 6th grade, my parents transferred me to a conservative Christian school. I was excited! I could meet new friends, and have a place to express my new found faith. I had never been shy, and never a victim of a bully save for some jerk at my old school. But he bullied everyone, so it never really bothered me. I was so excited.
On my first day, i entered teh classroom and the teacher told me to sit. I took my appointed desk and tried to strike up a conversation with the girl next to me. She just said high, turned around and started talking to the other girls. It stung, but I let it go. We went to chapel that morning, something I had never done before at public school. When they started singing songs, I felt a little out of place. I had never heard these before. But I got lucky. There was a girl next to me who wasn't singing either. She was a grade above me, and absolutely hated chapel. She ended up being my only friend at school for two years.
As I walked into the classroom the teacher called me over. "Brian (name changed) said you refused to sing in chapel." I explained that didn't know the songs. She said that was fine, but that doesn't explain why I chatted during prayer. Which I didn't do. But she didn't believe me, and I got a letter sent home my first day. it was only the beginning.
The bullying continued. No one ever talked to me, and avoided grouping with me. The girls were always spreading rumors, and my journals were always made fun of when we had to read them out loud. Despite the fact that it happened RIGHT IN FRONT of the teachers, they said nothing. By Christmas I was wanting to leave the school and was telling people I am leaving. So my teacher calls my dad. They had already paid the registration for the spring and fall terms, so they convinced me to stay. By the middle of 2nd semester, I began to consider killing myself.
But seventh grade brought with it a chance at "popularity." 7th graders were allowed to joing the flags in the marching band! I was so excited! But it ended quickly. I made flags, but the captain hated me. She was always making me do pushups or laps for silly things the other's got away with. I dropped a flag in practice, I had to run two laps. I turned my head the wrong way, I got a demerit. Then when I injured my ankle during our band camp (I fell in a hole and tore my ligaments) and was put in a cast, she tried to have me thrown off the squad because I couldn't practice. She did make sure I couldn't march in the first half of the season, despite the fact that I marched IN MY CAST during practices. But the worse was yet to come.
That bully from my old school, came to my new one. And he started in on me the first day. I found a piece of paper with the words "caution wide load" on my locker. Often he would tape a similar note on my back when i wasn't looking. He was always pushing me and shoving me. When i entered a class he would have all the students Moo at me. I was called every name for "fat" in the book that year. But the worst part was lunch time. HE and others would throw food at me. If they didnt' do that, they would snatch up my lunch and toss it in the garbage, telling me I needed to diet. Again, teachers did nothing. So I hid in the band room with the ONLY teacher I could trust, my band director. Or I'd eat on the bleachers outside teh baseball field, hoping not to get caught. I enjoyed those times. I would read, and just enjoy the quiet. The worse experience though was after we read some stupid story in literature. Something about kids on venus. The sun would only shine for one day out of the year, so they decided to punish the "werid girl" by locking her inside so she couldn't see it while they went out and played. After that class was lunch. So they decided to lock me in one of the outside bathrooms. I used those because no one else did. By the time a teacher found me lunch had passed and the next lesson had already started. I didn't get in trouble, but neither did they.
My grades had dropped from all A's to Bs and C's. I was depressed. Where I once loved school, I hated it. No one ever called or invited me anywhere. And I was just mean all the time. Yet there was a light in this dark time. Mom and Dad finally realized they needed to get me out of that school. All I had to do was make it to summer and I was GONE!
Needless to say I left that school. But it never left me. I suffered from depression and anxiety. Resorting to cutting myself to ease the pain, and starving myself to lose weight. My new friends (good friends) worried about me all the time. By 10th grade though, i had found a wonderful boyfriend. He is now my husband. I wouldn't have survived my bout with anorexia had it not been for him. I went from a size 20 to a size 8 in less than a year. I could barely even march at band camp, and my hair had started to fall out. He forced me to start eating...which I did. I eventually recovered WITHOUT therapy, and today have no issues with the disorder. Although depression and anxiety are still a part of my life. If you wish to know more, please send me a message or join my group!
So now I created a group, sticks and stones, for others like me. But not just the victims. I want mothers who have kids facing this at school. If you suspect yoru child is bullying, or being bullied please join. I want the bullies, those who regret their actions. If your spouse or SO was bullied, you are welcome to. And if you just want to know the facts so that your child will not face what I went through, you too are welcome here.
I want to have a group that promotes healing, of course. But the biggest idea is prevention!! Prevention, so that healing is not needed. While we may not make a dent in the bullying here, perhaps we will inspire others to help stop this epidemic in schools, and evne in the workplace. You can find "Sticks and Stones" at: http://www.cafemom.com/group/sticksandstones
Please vote popular, this is SO very important to me.
Comments:
I know, it's sad that I had to deal with that at a Freaking Christian school. I know it can't be stopped, but dammit we can at least make a dent. The biggest thing is helping our kids with confidence. For some reason, some of us just stick out as victims. I don't know why though. Thats one of the biggest things about this group. Coping with it, for us and for our kids.
I just wanted to appluad you for surviving all that you have been through. You've beaten anorexia and you have a wonderful man who loves and supports you! Those both are no small miracles. I pray that despite the fact that all this abuse went on in a Christian school, that your faith has not been shaken. I don't mean to minimize it, but that stuff happens everywhere. The fact that these were 'christians' does sting a bit more though. I pray that you may have been able to cling more tightly to your faith through out all those horrible experiances. And if not, please know that you were made to be exactly who you are, God loves you. He loved you even then, in the midst of your torment. We will never understand why it was 'allowed'. but I pray you are a healthier, stronger person because of it.
Oh God definitely brought me through it. We had words of course (after that, who wouldn't?) But my faith is strong all the same. And I am stronger, much stronger. And I've decided it's time to use that strength to help others, which is why I decided to start on cafemom!
Thanks for posting this. I'm not a Christian (far from it), but I understand wholeheartedly that words DO hurt. I too used to contemplate suicide because of what people have said HERE. People are so cruel.
I'm sorry you went through all of that.
& words are more powerful then most people realize. Words tortured me throughout my life. . i was the poor smelly loser who grew up in trailer park therefor i was trash. .it took me a while to realize they were wrong.
"Mere" words can be horribly damaging.
Although that was a "Christian" school it's obvious that those kids weren't Christians. Christ would never treat someone that way and he tells his followers immitate him. It's people like that, who claim to be Christians but aren't, who give Christianity a bad name.
Thanks for your replies ladies. And y'all are so right. That isn't how a christian should be. Hopefully some of them have grown up and realized this. Sad thing is they may forget what they did to me, but I will always remember it. I've forgiven...its the forget that's hard.
We have an insanely similar story. Lol, I even joined band and bonded with my teacher because he was one of the only people who was nice to me until I made some good friends finally. I'd eat lunch there (well at least spend lunch period in there). I can't wait until my class reunion so I can show them that no matter what they said about me or what they did to me in school I rose above that and now I am happy and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
LOL I think there is just something about band directors! Oh and its too bad I didn't graduate from MCS...I would LOVE to show all of them that I'm happily married with two kids. Thanks to facebook taht one jerk already knows...and I love the fact that he is single.
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That was a VERY DYSFUNCTIONAL christian school! Oh my gosh, so far from the teachings of Jesus. But you know, I was bullied in (public) school too! What for? Being SKINNY! I can still remember some little S**T named Chuck something in Jr. high calling me stick lady and carpenter's dream...it can't be stopped because it is part of the adamic (human) nature. It was hard growing up, but we MUST learn good coping skills and positive self-talk because there will always be petty, insecure, mean people out there. They are RUNNING WASHINGTON D.C. RIGHT NOW!
- 1-2caf
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