'It's not your birth" by Charlie Rae Young

[charlierae]

http://barefootbirth.wordpress.com/

 

“It’s not your birth.” This is a phrase I hear quite frequently from other birth professionals. Whether they are childbirth educators, doulas, or midwives. That statement seems to be an automatic reply in the birth community when a women chooses something that we know, on a professional level, is an unhealthy choice. Whether it be birthing in a hospital, allowing interventions, or choosing not to breastfeed. Are we, as a birth community, standing idly by while mother’s make uneducated choices because it is politically correct?
     As a doula, I feel it is my duty to educate women on the options they have regarding their birth. With my daughter I desperately needed someone to educate me. I needed someone to say that the hospital is not the place for a healthy woman to give birth. Someone to explain that out of hospital births are just as safe, if not safer, as hospital births. I wish someone would have told me my choices were not the best. I wish someone would have been brutally honest with me. Sure, it was MY BIRTH…but doesn’t every mom want what is best for themselves and their babies? Don’t we all as mothers want to give our children the best start possible?
      I understand a natural, intervention free homebirth is not the right choice for every woman. However, shouldn’t we encourage all women to do their research on what is the best birth? Shouldn’t we be providing them with good information and not leaving them at the hands of a Google search? Midwives, you should be shouting about your good outcomes from the rooftops! Doulas, tell every pregnant woman you meet about what you have to offer! Give them the numbers, the facts, book recommendations. Childbirth Educators, give women the truth. They have come to you because they WANT to learn. They need to know what really lies ahead for them at the hospital if they choose to birth there. They need to know that interventions during pregnancy are not always necessary. They need to know what to expect out of a homebirth. Lets teach women that it is their body and their choice to birth however they choose.
     I will say, that if after we all do our jobs to adequately inform parents, that it is ultimately their choice to choose what is their best birth. Like many other things, we take all of the information we have acquired and apply it how we feel is appropriate in our lives. At the end of a woman’s journey into motherhood she should be able to say, “I made the best educated choice for myself and my family, and I do not regret anything about it.”
      We, as a community, need to stop making the excuse of “its not your birth” and start reaching out and sharing valuable information with childbearing women. No, It is not my birth…but it is my job as a fellow human being to stand up for what I believe in, what my quest for information has taught me. It is my job to make sure there is never another woman who crosses my path who will end up with a traumatic birth experience because she simply did not know any better.

[keewea]

Sep. 9, 2009 at 6:11 PM

i agree!  i wish i knew better when i was pregnant with amelia.  A.  i would have NEVER been induced and 2.  well thats about it :)  but with baylee they wanted to give me pitocin and i was already 5cm dialated.  i said "um no thanks, i'm doing fine on my own".  i did get an epidural, but i cant take pain.  but, i probably could have done it without it...MAYBE.  i would have loved to have had a more intimate birth, quietly...not in the hospital.  but thats the route i took.  u keep preachin' and teachin' mama!  love you!

[charlierae]

Sep. 9, 2009 at 6:19 PM

See, you are happy with the choices you made the 2nd time around but can see where there could have been improvement...thats what its all about! Love you girl!

(Original Poster)

[wendy46121]

Sep. 9, 2009 at 6:33 PM

I too wish someone would have told me with my first, 11 years ago, there WERE options, that I didn't have to do it the way everyone else was (would I have listened? I was a 16 yr old HS student!) I even wish someone would have given me better BF support back then.

Unfortunately, with my second, I knew better, but I didn't know how to convince everyone else I knew better, so I let my man dictate MY birth choices, leading to me giving into the epidural, leading to my labor "stalling" leading to them augmenting it with pitocin.  *sigh*  I KNEW better.  But at the time, I wish I had one person there (a doula!!!!?) to tell me I didn't need the epidural... being in the hospital made me so weak :(

Of course, my third birth was my dream birth :P 

[charlierae]

Sep. 9, 2009 at 8:49 PM

Wendy your 3rd birth was MY dream birth! hahah

(Original Poster)

[logansmomma2007]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 2:09 PM

Great message :-)

I wish I knew better before I had Logan.  Thing is, a couple people did warn me.  I was naive and didn't do anything with the knowledge they were sharing with me.  It wasn't until I experienced childbirth that I was able to see how my lack of preparation and research led to the demise of my well intended plans.  I also learned that simply going with the flow often does not lead to ones desired results.  Looking back, I am shocked at how flippantly I approached having a baby.  Heck, I spent more time reading the reviews on the baby stuff than researching the type of birth experience I wanted.  I am sure I am not the only one guilty of this.      

I'm pregnant with #2 and am aiming for a home birth this time around.  I am confident that my experience will help those around me see that birth is a normal process.  I haven't even had the baby and my 25 year old childless sister is already advocating through Facebook.  It is a very rewarding thing to witness.  

[asaffell]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 2:16 PM

Charlie, I read this yesterday and I just want to give you major kudos. EXCELLENT article. :)

[MissG9]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 3:33 PM

That statement seems to be an automatic reply in the birth community when a women chooses something that we know, on a professional level, is an unhealthy choice. Whether it be birthing in a hospital, allowing interventions, or choosing not to breastfeed. Are we, as a birth community, standing idly by while mother’s make uneducated choices because it is politically correct?

Educating women on ALL the choices they have available to them, is one thing, fantastic.

Saying that mothers birthing in a hospital, allowing interventions, and not breastfeeding are UNHEALTHY, is just plain ignorant.

This doula, talks about some of this stuff not being for every woman, but 2 words later goes on to say "shouldn't we though, encourage all women to do research on what IS the best birth for them."  WHAT IF hospital BIRTH is the best birth for them....quit contradicting yourself.

Just another article with sweet words, and backdoor insults.

Voting down.

[charlierae]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 6:48 PM

I clearly said "while mother’s make uneducated choices"

If a mother has fully educated herself and knows the pros and cons of  birthing in a hospital, allowing interventions, or choosing not to breastfeed then that's fine. My problem lies in the fact that women are NOT educating themselves or given the proper information to be fully informed.

(Original Poster)