My teen is a drug addict... can I help you?

[Annette4]

• 
  This may sound a  bit scattered at first, because it was initially a reply to a post on the teen board... but I decided to turn it into a journal post, since so many of my CM friends, still don't know the whole recent story of my son and our struggles.  And, I wanted to possibly be able to help someone else that may be faced with this serious problem that is growing rampantly in all communities!  Right under our noses!  Here is my story:
  
  I have a son (just turned 17) and he is in a residential drug rehab program right now.  His latest stunt was Methodone - hydrocodone - xanax- DMX (Robitussin)- and alcohol -- all combined and on the day before his 17th birthday!!  He is very lucky to be alive!  He hasn't been doing the hardcore stuff for long, but he was on a major RAPID downward spiral.  We caught him just in time.. in fact, he asked for help when he was tripping on mushrooms ... thank God for bad trips!  But, if we hadn't been at least partially aware, he and his friends would most likely be dead. We are very lucky in so many ways... God has been watching over us.
  
  He started out with pot (because his dad smokes it, and condones it and I am almost positive, he supplied it!)  Over the course of 2 yrs, my son dabbled in OTC stuff in high doses. He was stealing my little kids' Triaminic, Delsym, Benadryl - and he also admitted to taking them in stores... yes, these things can be very dangerous with a teens' knowledge... halucinogenics!
   
  We started drug testing my son last October ('08) And as long as he passed, he could keep driving. Then we caught wind of the alcohol use... so we bought a breathalyzer. Busted! Failed a drug test... Busted!  We took his car, he lost it- how long did he think he could keep getting away with this?? This was even after he asked for help!  We were in the works of lining up a rehab center already.  It was just taking too long.
  
  That day, he freaked out, he started busting up my house and throwing things. Luckily my hubby was home and came in from the garage when he heard the commotion... hubby was on the phone with the cops as he came in, and told my son to get outside.  My son took off running, and in his haste to keep my hubby away from him, he slammed my husband's hand in the front door ... cut his fingers to the bone and almost broke his hand.
  
  The cops caught him a couple of blocks down the street and it was the most horrible thing to see in my own front yard... they had brought him back to talk, and he was still beligerant and vile, while my husband's hand is pouring blood.  He was showing no remorse, and still using foul language.  They slammed him to the ground and slapped cuffs on him and took him immediately away. 
  
  OMG, that was my baby they were putting the cuffs on! My "good" kid.. my smart kid!  How did this get so out of control??  I was trying everything I could to keep my son OUT OF JAIL!! How was this happening!?!
  
  He got charged with Domestic Battery and spent 7 days in juvy because I refused to bring him home after the 48 hour review. He was still indignant at that time.
  
  All of this happened just days BEFORE I could get him into detox and rehab!  I had a 10 day wait for a vacancy... geez!  There is very little help available for teens in this state! Unless you have tons of money or excellent insurance, there is not much help (not even therapy, group meetings, counselors) available, AT ALL! They want to wait until they are adults and have a felony record!  How idiotic is that?!
  
  Anyway, I recently learned how long and how much my son was using when we were preparing him for rehab (about 2 yrs and started experimenting between 11 and 13!!)...  he even told me how he was using someone else's urine for our drug tests at home!  OMG!  He knew how to work us with help from his friends and the internet!
  
  My mistakes to learn from... I was not consistent with punishment and too forgiving. I would let him off early for good behavior and for doing extra chores around the house. I believed him when he lied, because I believed IN HIM! He also had a lot of internet time researching drugs and it's effects... my son is incredibly smart and he inquired about a medical career... I thought it was his medical mind - I have one! I guess I was fooled!
  
  Then, once he worked us (me) he quickly got heavily involved after that. He was so cunning, that he was doing it in the middle of the day with friends (during summer break mostly and weekends) that he made it home for curfew not stoned! He was driving around all afternoon high and/or drunk!! OMG!  He could've killed someone or himself, and we thought he was being a good kid! 
  
  Parents, don't be fooled and check up on your teens all the time! Find out who their friends are, and where they live!!  I also found out he had been driving to the coast on Saturday mornings without permission!  We were doing mileage checks, but they were proving anything at the time.  We thought we were so "on top of things".. OMG how much more wrong could we have been?!
  
  Most of his drug experimentation happened in less than a year and the hard core stuff in less a month... it was a rapid downhill freefall! Kids WILL take advantage of every single little window or loop hole... do NOT put it past them. Even  the GOOD kids do it! My son was a straight A student, in the band and held the same job for over a year....  figure that one out!
  
  It has been difficult for me to listen to my son whine and beg and plead to come home from rehab, and I've spent many nights feeling guilty and somehow at fault... but I am seeing a counselor to learn that his drug use was NOT by my choice, it was by HIS.  I have to be tough (tough love) and remember that this is helping him, not hurting him.
  
  We have another court date set for Sept 23 to review his behavior changes and progress. We have been taking advantage of the help from the prosecutor in our case to extend reviews to keep him in rehab and to give us time to heal. It has been a blessing, really. If he complies to the program, all charges will be dropped and he will have no court fees or fines. He is doing his time in rehab...  
  
  He is doing pretty great right now, but he still calls me and begs for me to get him out early (it's supposed to be a 6 mo program, I was hoping for 3 mos, now I am just trying to get him through 2 mos.)  I am weakening and don't know what else to do. The recovery center is about 3 hrs away, and I drive every other weekend for visitation. I also mail packages of books and letters to him every week.  It's getting a bit expensive with gas prices being so high, and postage going up -- along with smoking a lot more from stress.
  
  My goal is to working on cutting alcohol and cigs completely out of my life while he is in rehab.  I was being "driven to drink" with the stress of everything... and it's not helpful at all.  I need MY life back!  If I can get hubby on board too, that would be awesome!!
  
  I am ready to move forward and hope that my son has it together enough to stay away from inluences, say NO to drugs and remember -- that momma WILL stick him back in Juvy AND the rehab program if he screws up again.. next time, it will be a level 6 institution... higher security and less chance of getting out for the whole 6 months!!
  
  
  Putting some hard -life experiences in these kids is what they need. They need to SEE what drugs can do to you. Call your local law enforcement clergy and ask if they have any programs to help steer kids away from drugs and illegal behavior. Some have jail tours and interviews with the bad guys that they do as a sort of 'scared straight' program. It's a start.. and it may help if your kid is thinking about experimenting. Oh, and remember, it can literally happen OVERNIGHT!
  
  
  I would be happy to share experiences with anyone that is in or has been in a rehab situation... or has a kid in rahab, or thinks their kid needs to be in rehab.  This is a time in my life that has been the most painful for me... I can certainly use all the support I can get right now.  My hubby is wonderful, but he is focusing on all the negative behavior my son did and that hurts me... I know he is doing it to keep me focused on reminding me that we don't want that behavior in our home, and it's to help me stay focused on why we are doing this!  But it is so hard not to cry for him - for our broken family. I am trying to keep things positive for my littlest kids (3 and 5) because they saw some of this happen (cops at the house, my son screaming and crying, etc).  It's been scary, but they are adjusting fine and they have visits with my son too. 
  
  You know....  I am the momma... and it hurts so deep.
  
  Thanks to all who read my story and maybe you found a little insight as to what to do and how to handle it if ever faced with it. This has been the hardest thing in my life - the absolute hardest challenge that I have ever had to endure... and I have had a LOT to overcome in my life!  
  
  Having a teen today is hell... I hope we are able to save them from the devil's clutches.
  
  
  
  ~Annette ~ Supermom of 4~
  Group Owner~ Children With Speech Delays!
  
  $$ me2everyone $$ We are going Live
  
  Einstein once said, 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

[DragonLuv]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 1:24 PM

Oh gosh Annette, I cannot imagine the pain and tears you have been going through.   You are being a great Mom and putting it all out there for all to see is a great thing! Stay strong!!! You are keeping your son alive by keeping him in rehab and saving others lives while he is there and not out driving.  My son is 4 and I am scared to death of what those teenage years are going to bring for him.

 

Thank you for posting! Stay stong Mama! Our prayers are going out to your family!

[MommyJanice44]

Sep. 10, 2009 at 2:40 PM

Yeh the tough love is the only thing that he needs right now ,  Think of how many years he was doing that .. to have a total change in his thinking it is going to take a good 6 month for one the cravings to leave and for two for him to find him again .. Bless you , I too do no exactly what you are going through ,, not that I have a child with an addition but due to the fact that I much aware of where it takes and you and what it takes to get yourself out of it .. Best of luck . my BF nephew just OD and died three days ago due to an overdose of pills he was 17 so , Be blessed no your son is right where he is suppose to be .. Be good to you , your important too .. Don't allow his sickness to rub off on you honey .. your a great super mom .. Done wonders with your boy .. PROUD YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD of you ..

[foreverthankful]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 9:20 PM

My heart breaks as I read your story.  Such sorrow.  But this is the beginning of the healing process and the beginning of the recovery process for you and your family.  A mother's love knows no end.  You are doing what is right for your son and giving him the love that he needs right now to heal. I hope you can take some time for yourself to just reflect on all the beauty in your life and the love that surrounds you and the family.  You are a very brave and awesome mother and woman..never forget. 

[tgirl715]

Nov. 7, 2009 at 12:13 PM

I hope your son is doing good in rehab. I just brought mine home yesterday and now the fears begin again. I have had some wonderful nights of sleep since he was gone, not that I didn't miss him but i didn't have to worry what he was doing. The trust is going to take forever to get back along with the hurt and anger this has caused the family. My husband isn't supportive at all as he is an alcoholic so I am going through this struggle alone. My son would have died had i not got him into treatment but now the struggle is him staying clean. I know exactly what you are going through and even though I'm not on here much feel free to send a message anytime not everyone knows what this is like.

[Annette4]

Nov. 9, 2009 at 1:01 PM

I completely understand your fears. I brought my son home Sept 24. He is actually doing quite well. He got his job back, is making straight A's again in his senior year and may dual enroll next semester for EMT training.

We stood firm on the limits, even though it was hard and he was argumentative, I explained how these limits/restrictions are for him to learn self control, discipline and how to deal with the anxious feelings that come with it. It's hard, but it works. He has admitted that I was right in his friends taking advantage of him, using him for his paycheck and car, and now he has nothing to show for it. He is not hanging out with those "friends" anymore.

We have been having a weekly counselor at our house that talks to him, and talks to us so that we learn how NOT to be defensive and let go of the worries, fears and grudges. Eventhough you can not control his every move, you just have to hope you are giving him good enough reasons to try and stay clean and sober... LOTS OF ENCOURAGING WORDS are needed!

My son will be getting his car back next month... that's almost 6 mos of no driving - I think he has earned it.  BUT, he knows, he fails a drug test or breathalyzer, and it's no wheels until he's 18 and on his own.

Best of luck... it's not easy, just keep communication open. We are succeeding. Thank God.

(Original Poster)