Why am I here?

[ICPclwnLOV]

Seriously. I got nothing going for me. Hell, my kids would be better off without me...same goes for my cats. I'm so tired of being lonely. So tired of being sad. So tired of being...tired. How big is my suckage? Let me count the ways......

1)I'm ugly
2)I'm a loser
3)I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend
4)I cant have kids of my own(mine are adopted only because my "friend", their BM, is a bigger fuck up than me.)
5)I am unemployed, nobody will hire me
6)I'm fat
7)I'm unlovable
8)I'm unfuckable
9)I have autism
10)I'm dumb
11)I'm an outcast
12)I will never be able to get married
13)Nobody wants me(relationship wise)
14)I'm afraid to leave the house a lot more than usual
15)People(especially small-large crowds) fry my nerves in a very short amount of time
16)I'll never be normal(thanks Asperger's Syndrome!)
17)I'll never have a normal life(good job,hubby/wife,more kids,ect.)
18)I'm slow
19)I'm a shitty mom
20) tons more

[Crashmonster1]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 2:32 AM

It sounds like you need to talk to someone.  Im always here if you need someone

[Susanmomof]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 4:20 AM

Hope

• If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.
• If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
• If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.
• If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.
• If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.
• If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
• If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.
• If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
• If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.
• If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.
• If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.
• If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
• If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.
• If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
• If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.
• If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.
• If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.
• If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.
• If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase...."yeah....BUT.." then you still have hope.
• Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break. It sustains us when nothing else can. It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.
• Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.
• Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.
• Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.
• Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return. And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
• NEVER LOSE HOPE!

[POOKA123]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 10:55 AM

Now since you wrote all of this down and see in your own words what you want to fix, fix it, you can do it, only you can do this, or how about this, stop with the negative and give yourself some postive, dont you think we all think like this sometime. its up to us to fix us, please. stop, i dont know you that well but i know all of this is just THINKING THOUGHTS, meaning you have too much time on your hands thinking. get up and fix it you can it can be done, When i'm feeling down, I take notes just like this and spread them around the house, but i use positive words, I look good to day, I love my stomach, I love my kids, ooh look at how cute my nose look when i look at it this way, turn those words around. make them words you want to hear.

Chin up girl. you can do it.

[jstthegrlnxtdor]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 11:13 PM

I know exactly how you feel!!!   I have felt the same way and still do sometimes...  What I found is that you have to find your reason to live, mine came as a surprise when I had my second child out of no where and they said I'd never have another one.  And even now that I have begone to try and understand my actions, I still doubt my parenting and relationship skills everyday.  Just the other day, I was thinking what it must be like for "normal" people to live their everyday life, and I had to remind myself no one is perfect, no one!!!   Our lives have been affected by this syndrome and but this syndrome doesn't have to control us.  I just recently found out my 8 year old son has Aspergers also, and it breaks my heart to know what he's going through.  Yeah, unfortunately my son lives with his father most of the time due to my actions and issues dealing with Aspergers.  I spend half the time blaming myself and the other half making sure I don't make the same mistakes with my daughter.  I guess what I'm trying to say is yeah we're different and no I don't think we'll ever be like most of the rest of the population, but that's ok, we just have to love our weirdness :)  Feel free to message me if you want to talk or just need someone to listen.  I know what your feeling, I tried suicide 3 times, it's not worth losing your babies over!!!\

[shellyplatz]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 12:45 AM

Just think about the kids that need you and try to do what will make their life better. I am sure they love you and you love them. Don't you think it would devastate them to not have their mother? Live for your kids if not for yourself.

I know how you feel, I feel the same way  the exception is I dont have any kids. My baby died last year through miscarriage. I would give anything to have kids to live for. I literally have no reason to get out of bed everyday except i have to make money to pay for my house.

You do have a reason to get up every day - to make the best life possible for those kids! They deserve it, do it for them! Think of their smiling little faces and their hugs and kisses.

[Cymbeline]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 1:38 AM

Aspergers so often leads to depression. As a fellow Aspie, I have to say I understand on some level. I have many times wanted to take my life because I couldn't understand other people.

I was bullied, belittled, and hurt for reasons I didn't understand. They all justified the way they hurt me because I was different. I didn't even realize what I was doing wrong.

You need to talk to someone. Being an Aspergian doesn't need to be as bad as it seems at times. I strongly suggest talking to someone who understands Autism, and reading Look Me in The Eye.

Your babies need you, no matter what you think. *hugs*

[MythicMMM]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 6:30 AM

I respectfully disagree.

1)I'm ugly ~every one has some type of beauty some where about them
2)I'm a loser ~your post made it to the popular list, under 30. Quite an achievement for having only 3 posts under your belt!
3)I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend ~ me neither, I've dated, screwed around, and some how my best friend went to fiance status over night. Boyfriends/girlfriends just weigh you down what with the awkwardness of trying to find out if "they are the right one" or not. A lot of time gets wasted on the "not".
4)I cant have kids of my own(mine are adopted only because my "friend", their BM, is a bigger fuck up than me.) ~any idiot (including myself) can go out and have sex to make a baby, but it takes a lot more to be able to adopt.
5)I am unemployed, nobody will hire me ~we are in a recession, so you are not alone in this by any stretch.
6)I'm fat ~fluffy. not fat, fluffy.
7)I'm unlovable ~I bet you would be surprised how many people out there love you and how many people had/still have a crush on you from highschool. Plus.. um.. Jesus loves you? ;-)
8)I'm unfuckable ~see, now you are just tempting me to be pervy. But I just don't know you that well, so I'm going to try not to be.
9)I have autism ~OK,well, unless it is contagious, I think you don't need to worry about people running away screaming, like in a Godzilla movie.
10)I'm dumb ~um, you either used spell check or are very good at spelling, since nothing is spelt wrong in your post. You're waaay ahead of the curve here and else where on the internet.
11)I'm an outcast ~we like you, sure it is only the internet, but hey, your post is currently #26 on the popular list, that has to count for something.
12)I will never be able to get married ~it is just a piece of paper. When you find that special some one to spend the rest of your life with, it won't matter if you never get married.
13)Nobody wants me(relationship wise) ~people are just intimidated by your sensual fierceness. Rawr.
14)I'm afraid to leave the house a lot more than usual ~and you have noticed it, most people don't till some one else points it out. Kudos for knowing yourself so well.
15)People(especially small-large crowds) fry my nerves in a very short amount of time ~there are two types of people out there, those who thrive off of being around crowds of people, and those who don't. I too am on the "those who don't" side along with half the population... you just don't see them very often because.. well.. they just don't like being around people that much. lol.
16)I'll never be normal(thanks Asperger's Syndrome!) ~normal is over rated.
17)I'll never have a normal life(good job,hubby/wife,more kids,ect.) ~and normal lives are rather boring. not the good kind of boring either. It is often the kind of boring that causes people to cheat or blow things up for the hell of it.
18)I'm slow ~your just taking the time to process things more thoroughly. A very good trait to have.
19)I'm a shitty mom ~I am pretty sure, nay, positive, that every mom thinks that from time to time. It is just not true. The moms that are actually shitty never think they are shitty.
20) tons more ~you are welcome to fling more my way if any of those rebuttals made you smile.

[Tatumsmommy0123]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 11:04 AM

1)I'm ugly...No, you are not.  I think you are super cute.  You have a very warm smile
2)I'm a loser...and just how do you figure this??  Losers don't take care of their kids, and losers don't have the Internet
3)I have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend So? They are overrated anyway.  I can promise, nothing is more fulfilling than the love of your children
4)I cant have kids of my own(mine are adopted only because my "friend", their BM, is a bigger fuck up than me.) Okay, this just confirms that you aren't a loser, or a fuck up...because it is REALLY HARD to adopt
5)I am unemployed, nobody will hire me...girl, in this economy, people that were once wealthy are losing jobs left and right.  You are certainly not the only one without a job.
6)I'm fat...not fat...big boned! (and I think just about everyone I know could stand to lose a few lbs)  And you dont have to be skinny to be beautiful :)
7)I'm unlovable I love you :)  and I am sure your family loves you too
8)I'm unfuckable...I thought you were allergic to the one eyed monster?!? LOL
9)I have autism-That makes you super awesome in my book
10)I'm dumb-No, you aren't...you were givin babymama or whatever her name is the business...and you are super witty and quirky
11)I'm an outcast-I would much rather dance to the beat of my own drums
12)I will never be able to get married-Why?  Yes you can
13)Nobody wants me(relationship wise)how do you know?  maybe someone is just too shy to make the first move
14)I'm afraid to leave the house a lot more than usual I am too...my OCD interfers with my public interaction something fierce.  I am so scared of catching germs from other people that I will just avoid going anywhere at all
15)People(especially small-large crowds) fry my nerves in a very short amount of time I hate crowds too
16)I'll never be normal(thanks Asperger's Syndrome!) Who said that was a bad thing???
17)I'll never have a normal life(good job,hubby/wife,more kids,ect.) What is "normal"?
18)I'm slow how? Are you talking about in school?  Because if you are, why does that even matter anymore?  All that matters is that you care for your children the best way you know how
19)I'm a shitty mom  Im just going to mark that one out
20) tons more this one too. 

[tyra618]

Sep. 14, 2009 at 1:30 AM

Your not dumb and you may not have given birth naturally but you are MOMMY in all the ways that matters.  Looks aren't everything.  From what I've chatted with you YOUR AN AWESOME FUNNY WOMEN WHO LOVES HER KIDS..  Sweetie talk to someone.  Don't beat yourself up.  Pull yourself up outta this funk and message me anytime.  Autism makes you UNIQUE just like it does my son.  Don't you ever be mad at yourself for that.  You have autism and your a mom.  Do you have any idea how much hope you give me for my son.  That was the first thing I said when I found out he had autism was OMG he is never gonna give me grand babies.. When I found out you were a mom I was like AWESOME.  Now to know you adopted.  ROCK ON GIRL.  That is awesome.  You are great for that.    I hate crowds so what who cares.  You are far from dumb and I think very smart.  YOU ARE YOU AND IF ANYONE DOESN'T LIKE THAT THEY CAN KISS MY ASS>  Rock on sweetie.  Talk to your doctor or get a new one.  This is a funk.  You need to live for YOUR KIDS and YOUR CATS.

BUT YOU NEED TO LIVE FOR YOU.  Keep your chin up

[lovelily79]

Sep. 14, 2009 at 2:05 AM

No matter what you feel you really ARE here for a reason. Maybe it was to help out with those babies, or maybe it just hasn't come around yet. You do have a purpose here no matter how big or small. A lot of things on your list I feel too about myself. It is hard when you don't have any self confidence & it's hard to come by. It's easy to get down about things, but try to look at the positive things you do have, and one id the love of 2 children and if you look, and you won't have to look hard, you'll see it really is the best kind of love in the world.

You can send me a message anytime sweets