you said it and you're mad at me???

[autiemommy2]

My DH is a jerk some times. He doesn't like my mom... okay. So what. I don't like his mom either. Big deal. We both realize there are some people you just don't get along with in life, but we are both nice to our MILs for each others sake.

Every day, DH has something negative and asinine to say about my mom... most of it related to something she posted on Facebook. I usually ignore it b/c she's not going to change and she sees nothing wrong with it. She's being a hypocrite, but that's on her. I can't change it and I don't have time to worry about it either. I have far too much other stuff going on in my life to really care.

Well, DH and I have been struggling for weeks to come up with money to cover dental costs for our oldest son - insurance is paying less than half, so we are trying to find other ways to come up with the money without asking our parents. DH's parents would hold it over our heads (they hold it over our heads now, and we repaid them a year ago). My mom is retired, making less money, and is stingy with her money (unless it's something for her, she won't buy it). And we don't want to ask my dad b/c he's already doing a lot for us - he's coming to our state to watch our other children when I have our 3rd child. Besides, we know money is tight for everyone. It's not a lot of money, but still.

Anyway, my mom calls me last night b/c of my Facebook status... she and I talked for an hour and she offered to pay for the dental work. I didn't ask and I had no intentions of ever asking. She said we would have to pay her back - which I fully understand and agree with, and she knows it would be when our tax return money comes in next year. I thought it was nice that she would even offer - the other parents haven't, so we just weren't even considering them as options.

Well, after I get off the phone with my mom, DH gives me a weird look. I ask him "what?" and he says "your mother is a hypocrite."

I went off on him. I told him his mother is too, but I don't say things about it. And I was more than tired of him saying something every single day!! He's not perfect or even close and to be honest, he's a hypocrite too! I told him to get over it b/c we had more important things to worry about - and she's not going to change so what does it really matter?? It doesn't so get over it.

For the rest of the night, and this morning, he hasn't talked to me... if he has answered a question, it's been with a very short answer. He's mad at ME! Why??? He's the one who always has to say something crappy about my mom when I don't say things about his mother - and I should b/c she is a total snot! I guess he's mad b/c I called him out. I don't really care. I'm so sick of him saying stuff about my mom. I know how she is, but she's still my mom. She raised me... granted I'm nothing like her, but still, have SOME respect and just shut up about it! Life is stressful enough and he acts like I'M the problem!

I just love how when his mother says something stupid and annoying, I can't say anything "b/c that's how she is"... but I have to let him go off when my mom posts something to Facebook. "If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander!" Tough crap! I'm done with his whiny and crappy comments. He could ignore what she says.... that's what I do with his mother. I just think it's childish that he's mad at me b/c HE said something. Stupid.

[MSugarKane]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 7:44 AM

A man wants to be 'the provider' for his family. He most likely is feeling less of a man having to borrow money for his child's dental work, especially from your mom.  His communication skills need to be worked on with you.  Both of you need to stop bickering about each others parents. They are who they are  and they are not going to change.  A big percentage of what you are as a person and what he is as a person is from both of your parents. 

So try communicating on a better level with him as a person. Once he sees you stopping the bickering about his parents, he may follow lead and do so for you on your parents.

 

[autiemommy2]

Sep. 11, 2009 at 7:57 AM

that's my point - I have stopped saying things about his mother... b/c I know there is no point and she's not going to change. same with my mom.

and I don't think it's the money issue b/c he's like this all of the time - he always has something nasty to say... this isn't sudden, this has been going on our entire marriage (5 years).

I'm tired of him saying mean things and getting mad at me when I tell him to let it go b/c he knows she's not going to change. he's being petty and I'm annoyed with it. I agree with everything you have said - b/c I am saying the same thing. I want him to just ignore what my mom says and focus on the issues we have at hand.

(Original Poster)