Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

[maidn]

Symptoms of

 

Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused.  That's not necessarily true.   You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness.

 

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An abusive partner will railroad discussions, so that you don't have time to think about what's right and what's wrong in their behavior.

Take a moment to consider these questions.  Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:

Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources? 

Has your partner ever stolen from you?  Or run up debts for you to handle? 

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close? 

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

 

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One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)

1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute.  He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.

2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior.  The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.

Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities.  You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends.  Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.

3. The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.

Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.

4. The brainwasher works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave.  He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.

5. The brainwasher puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

In other words -- What he says, goes.

 

[sunfreezeinmi]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 2:26 AM

thank you for your journal posts. i have a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship and she doesnt see it. it's soooo frustrating. 

[maidn]

Sep. 12, 2009 at 3:19 AM

I know it is hard to watch someone you care about be hurt ... I urge you to continue to be her friend ... when she is ready to get out she will need one ! If it had not been for my friends .. who waited patiently on the sidelines for 15 years ..   I would never have gotten away and there is no doubt in my mind I would not be here today. Today though I thank God for my friends everyday .... and apoligize to them every chance I get for what I put them through.

(Original Poster)

[sisnur]

Sep. 24, 2009 at 9:20 PM

I was in that relation in my marriage, I didn't left him but i got kicked out. The things is I feel i was normal and feel good when I was in relation at first time i feel somethingwrong but later on I get used to with that kind and think thats are normal. Now the affect is so bad after the realtion is ended is like i got transfered behaviour/personality from him, I feel like my personality/my brain/point of view of things/  is became like him i lost me. what I realized now only one I got brainwashed I am trying to find myself again. I most forgot who I am now and most of the time I don't feel comfortable to who I am now because what I remember is i think this is not me but him. I feel like being addicted and co independecy person now. healing is hard especially alone because no one is understand or don't know bout being brainwashed or emotional abuse because no scared or invisible injure.

i have this twice first i run away from my controlling, manipulated friend and it takes years to heal and I feel happy when I healed and found really "me" then I got to the other kind of relationship which is marriage and i got that again. and I am trying to heal again. i am a kind of likes to served others or makes other happy.trying to pick every single thing of me again now i guess takes time since I became things after the relationship ending my mind became He is everything right and if it doesn't right also I will make it right because I will try to found out why he behave that and my mind witl directed to its hase something from me that I got treated like that.

I wish i knew how to heal since I am alone and most of my friends are not supportive. they can't understand or at the end they will think i am the weird one

 

[sisnur]

Sep. 24, 2009 at 9:34 PM

a little added I still remember him not sure wether its love or the addiction being co depency hmm.. sorry for being rumble thanks for reading mine and your great simple post