Toxic Relationships

[JoyeAustin]

We move through life creating and forming relationships with the people in our daily lives and some of us are very good at keeping only positivity present, and some of us seem to attract and develop mostly negative relationships. Most of us have a mix of the two and may enjoy wonderful friendships but our marriages are painfully broken, or we might shun possible friendships because our world revolves around the person we are married.

Many women suffer through toxic marriages without realizing or accepting that it isn't necessary or healthy to spend your life with a partner who poisons your soul and spirit. Love has a funny way of making us think, "Well he (or she) is so good to me for the most part... I guess I can overlook these really bad days." But I think we should stop and ask ourselves, once the bad days reach a frequency when you can no longer deny that you are unhappy in your relationship--would you put up with this treatment from a friend? Why do you then tolerate it from your partner?

I also believe we should honestly look at ourselves as the instigators of toxic relationships. One of the reasons I left my husband was because I was sickened by the person I was becoming over time. I was nasty, angry, cruel, and hateful and it robbed me of my potential as a good wife and most importantly, as a good mother. I did not want to be that person. I did not accept that I was such a negative woman. I want to be a good person and a good mother. I had to stop being a wife, at least to that man, in that toxic relationship.

It's a sad fact that we will lose friendships and it's a bitterly painful reality that we have to let our marriages go when our partners treat us horribly, because we loved them all and we want to be loved in return. It really, really hurts when these relationships fail, but it doesn't always mean we failed because it takes a brave woman to face the end and accept changes.

I believe the same thing I tell my children can be applied to us as adults and in particular to myself--"Don't worry so much about what they are doing; worry more about yourself." Guard against negativity in other people, but most specifically take care not to become that negative person yourself.

[mars33me]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 7:52 AM

Good vent Joye, so very true.

[coleyBoosmom]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 7:57 AM

That was a powerful morning journal, Joye.  So true.  Most women are care takers.  I know I was the kid taking home the animals and nursing them back to health.  Now, I have to know difference between reciprocal relationships with friends and the women that don't want to change. 

[science_spot]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 9:04 AM

so true.  I currently am battling a toxic relationship with my mother.  "Battle" is the perfect word for it, too.  I don't want to lose my mom, but I have a very strict policy against negativity in my life - I do not tolerate it!!  No one should.

[MemaSu]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 9:08 AM

We do, hopefully, learn as we go. Even good marriages & good friends change, shift & grow over time. Letting go of a bad relationship can be as much work as maintaining a good one. Life is never stagnant.

We are proud of your effort & courage.

[used2chaos]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 9:15 AM

Powerful insight Joye.  Well written and inspiring...bravo!

[DestMasters]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 9:20 AM

Beautiful journal Joye.  Thank you!

[Rebeccalynn_dj]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 9:39 AM

Great post Joye.

[sgr123]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 10:18 AM

Great post!!!  How do you handle it when it is family?  There is a lot of negativity in my family.  My husband and I both try to filter it out, but it doesn't always work that way.

[ErikaRobin]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 10:19 AM

I loves this, Joye. 

 

[mama4Christ361]

Sep. 13, 2009 at 10:33 AM

Joye, once again, you amaze me with your insight! I hope when I grow up into a cool weird-o one day, i can be just like you(and your boobs)