so tired of fighting

[autiemommy2]

I am so tired of fighting with my DH about everything. He's becoming a real jackass about stuff and I'm too exhausted to even deal with it. Life is complicated enough, why add to it? *sigh* I don't know what is going on, but everything is a fight... and it really shouldn't be b/c it's so petty!!

We fought about the fact that we aren't having sex right now. First of all, I'm exhausted. I'm 39 weeks pregnant with our 3rd son. I stay home with the other 2 all day. I keep house - clean dishes, laundry, sanitize surfaces, etc... plus spend as much time with the boys as I can - including potty training 100 times a day. Then he says that the reason we don't have sex is b/c *I* am the one who cums first! THAT IS NEVER TRUE! I was pissed that he actually said that! How stupid! He is done within 45 seconds and it's ME??? What??? Ugh.

We fight about money. That never ends. Our son needs dental work. We have to come with $1500 by October 8th. We are trying everything to get the money, but there are no more corners to cut and no one wants to buy what we are selling. It sucks. So a distant family member of mine (whom with both dislike) donated $400 - so generous! DH doesn't want to take the money! WHAT!? Why not? B/c it is that specific person. Who care where the money comes from! Our son needs to be able to eat!!! Ugh.

We fight about our moms... he hates my mom b/c my mom used to hate him. The reason she doesn't like him is b/c of how horrible he treated me the first 2 years we were married and how he always lied about everything. My mom is trying to be nice to him - for me and the boys. He doesn't want her to ever come visit. He gives me really lame reasons. The only one I can agree with his that she won't treat our sons the same - she favors our oldest, which I can't stand b/c it is blatant! But the other reasons are petty. Ugh.

Then there is his mother. She has chosen to treat me like shit the entire 5 years we have been married - to include calling me by his ex-wife's name for 2 years. That's bullshit. She blames everything on me even though DH is the one who lied about everything. We have invited her to see us, but she chooses not to visit us. Then, without telling us, she wanted to move here! We managed to stop that. A few weeks ago, MIL wanted to come visit, but he told her no - and I had no idea that conversation even happened! Then he blames me for it!! How the hell is it MY fault that she treats me like shit b/c he lied and she chooses NOT to have any relationship with her grandchildren?? Fuck that! She even sends my DH emails complaining about how horrible I am and the tells him not to tell me about the emails. He showed me anyway. That is disrespectful and it's MY FAULT!? I'm so fed up with that lame ass excuse! I don't see the point in her coming to visit... every time they talk on the phone, they get in to a fight within 5 minutes and his mother hangs up on him. Then he's pissed off for the next 2 days. That's why we don't have sex - he takes that shit out on me and the boys.

We got in another fight this morning b/c of our mothers. I thought we were under the agreement that he hates mine and I hate his. End of Story. I guess not. My mom wants to come up in 2 weeks - I will have had our 3rd son and it will be our 2nd son's 2nd birthday. Yesterday I told her no b/c my Dad will already be here and we didn't want that many people/germs around with a newborn. But I asked DH this morning if she could come up anyway b/c she will only stay a day (drive all day Friday, spend Saturday with us, drive all day Sunday)... and my dad can help run interference (my parents are divorced and re-married to other people). DH is still saying no... the reason this time is b/c my step-dad is always sick and won't do anything to prevent germs. Actually, he's rarely sick, but he did get sick the last time they came up in July. That is not a good reason, to me. I knew he would say no, but I asked any way. Ugh.

I'm tired of him blaming me for crap. Lame ass crap. I do things, and I struggle, so I ask him for help - like putting a casserole dish on the top shelf. He's annoyed b/c it cuts in to his sitting-on-his-butt time. Then, if I don't ask him to help me with something, he's mad and feels useless. Next comes the you-dont-need-me-poor-pitiful-me speech. So tired of THAT song and dance! I can't win. I ask him to help me out with stuff - especially picking up his clothes and he's irritable with me! As if I don't do enough, I have to wipe his ass too? Last time I checked, I'm his wife, not his mother! We should be co-parenting, co-running this household. I guess I'm the single mom of 3, soon-to-be four boys. That's stupid! He's also irritable that I sleep in the mornings. I don't sleep at night b/c I'm so uncomfortable, so I finally fall alseep in the early morning. I still get up with the boys, get them their milk and set up their video, but he feeds them breakfast while I try to get another hour of sleep... which I ususally don't b/c he makes so much damn noise that I can't sleep through it. I even get up with them on the weekends so he can sleep-in, and I keep the boys as quiet as possible. If he gets up with the first, he plants his ass on the sofa, ignores them and they come wake up me anyway! That's not sleeping in or getting a break! It's so annoying that every fucking thing is my fault when it goes wrong. And IF something manages to go right, he takes the credit! I'm furious with how shitty he is acting... especially about our fight this morning.

I'm so tired of fighting with him. Why can't he just accept that our parents are who they are - despite how we feel about them. They are family. I'm sure we make decisions they hate, but so what? I don't see the point of cutting our family or living in a bubble. I'm fed up!!!! I need a nap.