The Widowhood Journey of AQSL Gwama.

[aqsgwama]

I was widowed 21 months ago, where does the time go??   I have finally started to do the work of soul-searching recovery.  I have been living with my 3rd DD and SIL and granddaughter for these months but at the moment I am at my 2nd DD and SIL waiting the arrival of my 2nd grandson (due in 2 wks). I have gotten my financially stated leveled out and medical care obtained. But I still cannot decide whether to fight for my nursing license back or go on disability?

My prayers are centered on guidance and support from God (He is the only way to get through this life) IMO.   I have found the hard way that if you try to figure things out by yourself you can "what if" yourself right into a state hospital. A yr of soundeling has helped me realize that to advance on this journey that you must share your feelings with all members of family and anyone else who cares about you.  Even if it means making yourself vulnersable to negativity, you still have God on your side and NO ONE is better able to support you than Him.

The turning point was my counselor telling me that if stranded in a boat, you can complain, scream, cry... but you still have to paddle to get to shore.  Do it in small steps if needed....such as put your hand over the side...put your hand in the water...push the water in the opposite direction that you want to move..( that's 4 steps right there)

My point being is that living in fear and denial is unproductive and fruitless...you must ACT even if it's scary cuz you are better off knowing the worst than not knowing anything at all,(your imagination can make you manic). Please try!

I finally exposed my emotions to my trusted sister and was able to shed tears for my husband al last.  God moves in mysterious ways....she has been able to give me a fresh outlook and other contacts for solutions     "talking" to new men doesn't seem like a "betrayal" anymore. Any widowed person wanting to private message me is welcome.  [e-mail]. Thank you for reading this as it has been an outlet for me also.  Love to all.

[Julie411me]

Sep. 16, 2009 at 1:50 PM

I am sorry for your loss but impressed with your strength.  You share a lot of good advice here.

I just wanted to add that I heard today that there is a nursing shortage and it is expected to get worse.  You are needed.  I hope you get your license back and help people. You seem to have strength to share with others.  Good luck.