Coming to Senses

[chelle360]

I call this coming to senses because I just went thru a phase in my life that only those who have also went thru it will understand. So let me start at the beginning... about a month or so ago is when this "phase" took place. Today being the day it ended. Here's my story:

So for some reason, being a military wife, mother, full-time student, RRJ Secretary, church choir member, and my husband deployed sunk in and sunk in a wrong way. I have about 2 months before my hubby comes home and for some ungodly reason, really weird, life-changing, mind-altering thoughts began to pop into my head... thought's like "do I really want to stay married?", "am I really really really ready for life-long committment?", "and this hubby gone for a year's at a time, trainings, long days, board studying, etc what I really want?"... and today, I found my answer.... Here's that story:

I have my closet door open going through my shoes. I ordered some boots and they just came in today... Well my son is playing in the shoes and digs out a pair of his daddy's shoes... he began to say dada dada dada over and over and over to the point of where I literally stopped in my tracks and broke down crying. Quickly my mind began to fill with questions like "why in the world would I not want my man?", "we are a perfect match, why mess that up?", "where else is more imortant than where i am now?"!! And the answer to those questions are "why in the world am I running away from love, my love, the love of my life??!!!"

Its like whatever was eating at me had finally left... and I was myself again, literally. I don't understand it but I do know that I was on the verge of making the worst mistake in my life and that would jeopordize my marriage and my wonderfully God sent family. I realize that when you have love, don't think about leaving it, don't dream about thinking about leaving it, and just don't leave it....

I'm so glad to still be in love with my husband and continue to wait patiently for his return... all while not allowing the ways of this world defeat my feelings for him. If there is anyone else that has ever felt like this, went thru this, share your story... I know I'm not the only one. We all have had instances where we thought we needed to be doing something different or going somewhere else during this time rather than where we are right now.  Whats your story?